


You Make Me Love My Crown

by itzamedonga



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Felix is a literal angel, Fluff, Fluffy, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, You Know Who, bang chan is panicked gay, beware of low self esteem issues, bless minho, changlix, emotional distress because thats all i know, i love hyuseok with all i have, i still love this fic so much, minsung - Freeform, not new fic i just changed the names of a character, seungjin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:21:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 33,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27389383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itzamedonga/pseuds/itzamedonga
Summary: "In a world of soulmates connected through mythical marks, was there any rule that ranked me with less value than others? I could have been born with the mark of heterochromia. Or the canine, who knows. Maybe a scaled arm? Whatever, I’d even accept purple tongue! Of all the soulmate marks that exist, of all the possibilities I've ever seen and researched, something handcuffed me with that damn curved black horn. As my classmates appeared with elaborate stains, claws and wings, I had to stare at everyone with a horn weighing on the left side of my skull as if I had just returned from a visit to Hades and he left me a gift as a souvenir."Bang Chan hated his mark. Throughout his life ever since finding the small curved black horn in his head, he had to face discrimination, so he chose to hide it. Only letting his parents and absolutely closest friends know he had that thing on his skull. He was fine. He kept living like that. Everything was okay.Until he met Hyuseok and suddenly Chan realized he actually was wearing a crown.OrThe soulmate AU! where everyone has left-right marks and these two gays are too stupid to show them to the other.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Original Character(s), Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 12





	You Make Me Love My Crown

**Author's Note:**

> ALRIGHT SO i had this fic originally with chan and the other guy we don't talk about anymore as the main couple but since the horrible news broke out this year i deleted it. now it's back with name change.
> 
> i hope new readers enjoy and old readers still like it! all songs mentioned here are chan's thoughts as he compare moments in his life to songs, and they're compiled in a playlist i will link at the end notes.

“Chan, I told you, no one can see any pointy tips on your cap because your hair is puffy enough to cover it. Can you stop fixing what doesn't need to be fixed and let's go already? Changbin will kick me again if I'm late this time!” I heard Felix shouting from the living room as I looked at myself once again in the mirror of my room, looking for any elevation in the hat that would expose me.

“Why are you in such a hurry? I'm coming!” I checked my appearance one last time, took my things from the computer desk and put them in my pocket, leaving right away. Felix was standing in front of the open apartment door, looking like he was going to take my skin off at any moment. “Quit making that face, you should thank me for giving you a lift to your boyfriend's presentation. I’m a wonderful person and this is how you treat me?”

“You know I always thank you, this face is for you spending half an hour fixing your hair to cover your horn. Seriously dude, it shouldn't be bigger than a finger, I don't know why you’re so obsessed about it. No one in the world has an ugly mark to keep hiding like that.” I heard Felix talking behind me as we walked down the stairs of the small building where we lived.

“Said the guy with an angel wing on his back to the one who has a useless, pointy bone on his head. For real Felix, you're the last person who can say that kind of thing to me.” I replied with a sarcastic laugh as we got in my car and got ready to leave. Felix still had some trouble flexing the right wing on his back and ended up pinning its feathers to doors and windows several times.

"You say that, but you know mine is just as useless as yours. Tell me, what is a wing for? It barely carries my weight alone and if it could, the most I would do would be to fly in circles.” He complained as I pulled the car out of the parking space and headed for the school he and Changbin were studying. It was an event day and it was sure to be hard to park. “And I didn't say a useful mark, I said ugly mark."

“Okay, but keep in mind that yours is associated with good and cute things, and mine is just a reason for people to call me a half demon. Which is less bad?” I stopped at the red headlight and looked at my cousin in the passenger seat. Felix crossed his arms and I smiled knowing that I won the discussion. “And you know, you and Changbin have quite an aesthetic mark. You're like the embodiment of a couple of characters in a Netflix series.”

“Oh c’mon, it's not like that.” I couldn't look at him, but I knew Felix was smiling. He was too whipped for his own boyfriend, and he was terrible at hiding it. "I know I kept hoping it was him, but it was horrible to face him on the first day. Like hi Changbin, how are you? What a coincidence, I got a wing overnight and it completes yours! Isn't it wonderful? Very convenient, because I've had a crush on you since I transferred to this school, you know.” Felix spoke as if he was acting, and I laughed out loud as I kept driving.

“Well, think on the bright side, the worst part is gone and no emotional scars. You're lucky your soulmate is someone you already liked and lives close to you. Imagine if it had grown up while you were in Australia?” I commented as I turned the car around the nearest corner of the school, stopping in the parking space closest to the parking lot full of teenagers, several with visible marks and no shame to leave them exposed.

“It would be stressful at the very least. Come on, Changbin is scheduled to go on stage in ten minutes!” Felix practically flew out of the car as soon as I stopped in the parking space, and I had to yell at him to text me later telling me where he would be. I laughed softly at his desperation and walked out calmly, watching people on their way to the school gym where they had a stage set for the semester's music and art festival. Several stalls were scattered throughout the parking lot, all being looked after by students.

I stopped at one that was selling caramelized apples, commanded by a small, pointed-eared girl and a skinny boy who had his hair shaved exactly where I could see something like a very detailed design, sculpting his exposed scalp. I stood for maybe a long time, trying to decipher what that mess of lines would be until the girl caught my eye.

“Good afternoon, do you want an apple? It's two thousand won!” She said excitedly, and I smiled with her.

“Just one, please. Your friend's tattoo is cool.” I said pointing at the distracted boy, and gave my money to pay for my candy.

“Ah, Hyunjin’s drawing? That's his mark, it's half a lotus flower. He is very proud to have gained such an artistic one and likes to keep it exposed, so he shaves to make it visible. He says it's for his soulmate to find him more easily, but I know he's a showman.” She laughed as she put the money in the decorated shoebox and turned to fetch my apple. I kept looking at the boy's drawing, finally seeing the lines forming incomplete petals. A strange feeling punched my stomach, and I stepped out of the tent as soon as I received my apple and thanked the girl.

In a world of soulmates connected through mythical marks, was there any rule that ranked me with less value than others? I could have been born with the mark of heterochromia. Or the canine, who knows. Maybe a scaled arm? Whatever, I’d even accept purple tongue! Of all the soulmate marks that exist, of all the possibilities I've ever seen and researched, something handcuffed me with that damn curved black horn. As my classmates appeared with elaborate stains, claws and wings, I had to stare at everyone with a horn weighing on the left side of my skull as if I had just returned from a visit to Hades and he left me a gift as a souvenir.

“At least it's small enough to hide...” I whispered to myself, finishing chewing my candy and covering my head with my coat. The cap was probably showing some bump.

I arrived at the gym and looked for my cousin, who was sitting on the floor as close as he could to the low stage. I bypassed the mound of people and squeezed in beside Felix, who was trying to protect the wing from being stepped on by the people behind him. I took off my coat and tried to tuck it into his wing, preventing the last feathers from touching the floor.

The buzzing in the room stopped as soon as a spotlight was turned on and the light was directed at the stage, and an important looking guy appeared with a microphone. He introduced himself as the school's music teacher, and I heard several students cheering and shouting for him, including Felix. After a short speech explaining the students' order of introductions, he left and made room for Changbin and the couple's friend, Jisung, to enter. Jisung's mark was heterochromia, and his left eye was of a bloody red with traces of vibrant orange. I kept staring at that single colored eye for longer than I should, something about it scared and fascinated me at the same time.

“Chan, give me your phone! My camera is terrible, please!” I heard Felix begging, but I held my phone out to him without question. He took it in a hurry and opened the camera and squeezed to film the two teenagers on stage who smiled like children. The music started playing on the speakers, and I recognized it as Runners High. How could I not recognize the music I helped to produce.

Both were immersed in the characters they created when it came time to go on stage, and their flow was amazing. Jisung kept playing with the people on the front and it was hilarious to see the girls reaching out to try to touch his hand. Changbin clearly tried to maintain his pose, but every time Felix shouted or waved his arm, he smiled more. I would even say he sent him finger hearts at the end of a verse.

As soon as it was over, everyone present cheered and shouted. They both thanked and left, making room for the next students that unfortunately we would not see, since we only came for my children. Felix got up almost running, taking my coat off his back and tossing it on my lap with my phone.

“Hyung, you were amazing! If it was a competition, you'd already won!” Felix practically jumped on Changbin, who almost fell. The little boy with black hair laughed out loud and hugged his boyfriend back, almost disappearing because of the height difference.

“Thanks for the compliment Felix, I appreciate your balanced and fair admiration of us. Very touching.” Jisung came in complaining with his hand on his chest as if offended. I laughed out loud and put my arm around his shoulders.

“Don't be like that young grasshopper, you know he has reasons to favor Binnie. You two were great, I'm proud of you.”

“Ah yes, the sweet taste of justice! Thank you hyung! Did you really like it? We kept training until dawn, I couldn't stop stuttering in one verse because of the nervousness.” Said Jisung, moving excitedly like popcorn. His infinite energy never ceased to amaze me.

“We didn’t need to have stayed up so late, but Jisung insisted on getting it right. I had to doze off at the computer desk.” I heard Changbin complaining, breaking away from the hug and shifting to hold Felix's hand. The little boy's wing was agitated.

“But it all worked out in your favor, everyone loved it and you are satisfied too. That is what matters. Now let's buy something to eat?”

“Ah yes, but before we wanted to introduce you to someone, hyung! Wait here for a minute, I'll be right back.” Jisung rushed out among the people and I looked confused at Changbin, who just shrugged and laughed. He came back at about the same speed, holding a person I had never seen before by the hand.

It was a guy a bit taller than me, with broad shoulders and brown hair under a red beanie. He was grinning at Jisung's attitude and I could see both pointy canines, not as if it were his mark but more of a genetic charm that could not be ignored. His face was completely lovely, from the nose to the eyes that seemed to smile. I felt a sudden urge to put my hands on his face and caress his cheeks just to make him smile.

“Chan hyung, this is our music tutor here from school, Hyuseok hyung! He is the one who helps us in class and gave us tips on how to fix our flow!” Jisung introduced him, and Hyuseok nodded slightly as he smiled. _Lovely._

“Nice to meet you Chan, the boys told me that you produced the song they performed. It's great, do you go to music school too?” Hyuseok asked me, and my mind stopped working for a few seconds.

“Ah… thank… you? I… I don't go to college, in fact I only work so I can afford college one day. That's it.” My voice must have gone through every possible high note just in that answer. Good heavens Christopher, what is wrong with you now?

“Chan hyung is a great musician even without studying formally, Hyuseok hyung. You guys could make a mixtape.” I heard Changbin comment, and I felt my face heat up. I coughed and straightened my cap to try to disguise it.

“Ah, that would be great! But you have to participate too. What's the fun of a mixtape without your rapping?” Hyuseok ruffled Jisung's hair, who complained while laughing. I sighed deeply and smiled at the scene.

“Well, Changbin and I are going to buy hot dogs, and surely Jisung wants to run to find Minho hyung. Chan and Hyuseok hyung, you can sit around talking about music for as long as you want, I’ll text you later.” Felix spoke and ran away with Changbin, while Jisung only said goodbye quickly and went looking for his own partner. That left me and Hyuseok on the scene, because I sure as hell was ignoring all the other teens who walked around us. Hyuseok started walking away and nodded for me to follow him, which I didn’t hesitate to do.

“So… are you their tutor? Oh, forgive me, I didn't even ask if you're my hyung?” I said tripping over my words, and my face warmed dramatically. Hyuseok just laughed, and I felt my breath fail at that sight.

“The boys told me we were born in the same year, I'm only older by a few months so you don't have to call me hyung,” he answered, adjusting the beanie on his head. “I'm more of an assistant of the teacher you saw on stage today, he taught me a few years ago and referred me to the principal. I need an internship so I can graduate from college, so it was convenient. The boys probably call me a tutor because they are the students who talk to me the most, not to mention that they are very enthusiastic. We ended up becoming friends.”

“Oh yes... I see. I'm glad there's someone here taking care of them. It took a long time for Felix to adjust to everything and it relieves me to know that there is someone older who looks after him.” I answered truthfully, fumbling my hands in the pockets of my pants. Hyuseok stopped walking and looked at me with curiosity in his eyes.

“Do you know Felix for longer?” He asked, tilting his head a little to the side like a confused puppy.

“He is my cousin, our mothers are sisters and my aunt decided it would be good for him to study here since he hardly ever left home in Australia. He’s like a brother to me.” I smiled and kicked a pebble on the floor. Hyuseok smiled so brightly that his eyes almost closed, and I felt my legs wobble as I returned the smile.

“That’s so cute! So…” he was going to continue, but someone called him from afar, distracting his attention, which I hated. “Oh, I... I think I need to go back there. Professor Hwang probably needs help.” He said, looking disappointed. I shared the feeling.

“Okay, I shouldn't have distracted you, today is event day. You are full of things to organize, sorry.” I said lowering my head. Of course the cute, handsome boy wasn't going to have time to spend with me.

“Chan, what are you talking about? No need to apologize to me, okay?” Hyuseok put a hand on my shoulder and I held my breath without realizing it. I lifted my head and looked at his face, which had a sweet smile. “I hope I can see you again to chat more, okay? And I want to know more about your creative process for music production, because I'm having trouble with this and need help.”

“A-Ah, sure! I... I'll come back here, and I can help you. No problem. Yeah.” I tried to answer, and he laughed as he waved and walked away. I kept waving and gazing at him from afar with a smile on my face. I felt light.

I got a message from Felix saying that he was already on his way back, and Changbin would come along. I agreed and went to my car to wait for the two of them, who appeared clumsy, wings almost snapping on people's faces, and full of ketchup on their shirts, probably because they had spilled it all over themselves while eating that was why they were in a hurry to get home. Kids will always be kids.

We got home and I let them do what they wanted as usual, and finally took off my cap and stopped hiding my little horn. I ran my hand through my wrinkled curls and looked back at myself in the mirror, a tired face adorned with a pointed weight which made me think…

“Is Hyuseok's mark beautiful? I hope so. He deserves a special mark to share with someone good.” I muttered to myself and sighed loudly. I shouldn't be like this for a guy I met for less than ten minutes.

I sat in my chair and leaned my forehead on the table. No matter how stupid it sounds, I really enjoyed meeting Hyuseok and something about his smile made me want to make the world a better place, which was very dangerous.

I lifted my head and grabbed my stuff, I needed to distract my mind with something other than Hyuseok. I turned on my computer and opened my unfinished files and divided my attention between working on arranging two new songs and scribbling verses in my notebook.

It took me hours concentrated on this work for me to realize that in the end, one more track was added to my files full of soft piano notes that reminded me of him, and all the verses that had been written referred to fluffy cheeks, small eyes and a smile so lovely that I couldn’t get out of my head and made my breathing fail just by thinking about the person who had those characteristics.

Maybe, just maybe, I'm screwed.

-x-

“Hyung, are you ok? Did something happen?” I heard a distant voice calling to me, and I felt my body slumping forward and my eyes closing. If it wasn't for a hand holding me by the shoulder, I probably would have hit my forehead on the office’s cabinet.

“Ah... Minho? Sorry, I didn't sleep well. Has my father arrived yet?” I said in the middle of a yawn, feeling a twinge of headache forming. I need a quick fix or I won't be able to work today.

“No, not yet. I'll make coffee in the meantime, you look tired.” Minho tapped my shoulder, and I thanked him internally for being so helpful. “Insomnia again or a lot of work?”

“I... I was working on some songs and I don't remember what time I went to bed.“ I got up and went to the table where the coffee machine of the workshop was, and accepted the cup that Minho handed me. I took a sip of the drink and shivered with the bitter taste that I wasn’t a fan of.

“You know you have to stop doing that, right? Someday you will end up sleeping on top of an engine and burn yourself.” Minho laughed as he faced me and had his own coffee. I tried to ignore his red and orange eye judging me and concentrated on adjusting the cap on my head.

“Inspiration can’t be set aside, Minho. You either hug it and cooperate, or it disappears for five months. That’s from my own experience.”

“Okay, but you still can't go without sleep when you have to work the next day.”

“Alright mom, I get it. I'll try to sleep better from now on, but no promises.” I laughed and took another sip of coffee, and I could hear a car door slam in the distance. “Someone arrived. Finish this paperwork for me and I'll see what they need.“ I said as I left the office, putting the cup on the table.

It took me a few seconds to get used to the brightness of the workshop again, but I saw someone with his back to me who might be staring at the wall of photos. I straightened my cap and approached. It took a while, but I saw the gray beanie the other was wearing and... no. It can’t be. _“Am I crazy to see him in other people right now? Or…”_

“Hello, good morning... Chan?” I heard the normally soft voice rise in surprise and I stared at him, static. It really was Hyuseok, and he was smiling so hard you could see the tips of his canines.

“Hyu...seok? Uh... hi?” Congratulations Christopher, you just unlearned how to be polite. Will it be weird if I run away now?

“I can't believe you work here! When you told me that you work, I thought it would be something related to music too and not as a mechanic. You keep surprising me.” He approached me, still smiling and with the most cheerful aura I ever felt emanating from a person. I felt my cheeks heat up and mentally thanked the grease hiding it.

“You smell like mint…” I ended up thinking out loud, and reflexively covered my mouth. Hyuseok laughed so hard that he also had to hide his mouth. His laugh matched his personality. “Sorry, that... that was not my intention! I… didn't sleep well and my brain isn't working well. I’m really sorry. Do you need something? Of course you need, that’s why you’re here.” I covered my face with my hands and grunted with hatred. Why do these things happen to me?

“You really keep surprising me.” Hyuseok gathered himself and crossed his arms as he stared at me. “Yes, I really need help. My car is having problems starting all week, I've already lost patience with this thinking it was no big deal. Can you look at this for me?” He asked me, smiling and tipped his head like a puppy. I had to take a deep breath.

“Yes of course. Can you open the car hood, please? Try starting it when I raise my hand.” I asked and concentrated on getting into work mode. I can't compromise the quality of my dad's auto repair shop because of… that.

Hyuseok did as I asked, and it took a few tries for the car to start. I asked him to turn it off and looked at all the pieces, thinking about the possibilities. It wasn't long before I tested everything I could do, but it turned out to be something simple.

“Okay, try again now.” I asked again, and this time the car started smoothly. “All good Hyuseok, it's done. You can relax now.” I smiled slightly, pleased.

“What did you do? How was it so fast?” Hyuseok came close, looking at the pieces as if trying to guess where I had to fix. Too close, the smell of mint continues to distract me.

“I just… well, I needed to do some tests, but in fact your battery’s date is a little over five years. The normal life of a battery is less than that, so I needed to change it. I did some other tests to see if the problem was with the cylinder heads and how… oh, you don't have to listen to me talking about these things. It's already done." I cut myself off before I started babbling too much technical stuff. My neck was already starting to heat up in embarrassment.

“Chan, it's part of your job to explain these things, don't feel bad about it. I'm glad you take the time to explain, because the last time I went to a repair shop they repaired two pieces I didn't need and I paid dearly for not asking about.” Hyuseok said calmly, and I nodded trying to regain my composure.

“Well, that kind of professional is common out there, but now you know you can trust someone for that. You can come back here whenever you have a problem.” I replied, trying to smile which he returned without hesitation. Again, neck warming up. “I'll ask Minho to check out for you, he has more sense of numbers here than me.” And I left before he could answer me. I walked into the office and let out an angry growl as I closed the door, running my hands over my face.

“What happened hyung? Demanding customer?” Minho asked, finishing organizing the mess on the table.

“No, just me being stupid.” I said quietly, as if just realizing myself that I'm an idiot. “Has Jisung told you about Hyuseok yet? One of his instructors in music class?”

“Yeah, he comments almost every week while I'm trying to do my homework.” Minho laughed quietly, as if remembering those moments. “Why? Is he out there? I didn't know you guys knew each other.”

“Yeah, it's him and I acted like an idiot in front of him more than once. Can you go check out for me? I changed the battery, but you can give a discount over the service charge. I'll stay here banging my forehead on the table until my brain works again.” I said as I threw myself into my chair and stared at the ceiling. Minho just laughed out loud and did what I had asked.

Minho was always simple and quick in the services he did, so I wasn't alone contemplating my stupidity for long. A few minutes later I heard the door open again and the sound of the car starting and driving away. I took a deep breath once more.

“Hyuseok hyung asked me if you were still going to say goodbye to him, I said you were probably busy organizing something here.”

“Thank you Minho.” I said, letting out my breath.

“So I gave him your number in case he has another problem in the future.”

“YOU DID WHAT?” My scream was probably heard from across town, complementing the sound I made as I fell from my chair straight to the floor.

“I gave your phone number to Hyuseok hyung. As you two seem to know each other, I thought it would be okay. Did I do something wrong?” Minho spoke innocently, and I had no way to blame him. I got up quickly and tried to clean my uniform and straightened my cap.

“No Minho, you did nothing wrong, I just...” I sighed and ran a hand around my neck, not knowing what to say.

“You're into Hyuseok hyung, aren't you?” Minho answered, simple and straightforward. I felt that I stopped breathing at the same moment.

“WHAT, HOW...” I stopped before my screams began to really draw attention. Minho reached out and gestured as if I didn't have to worry.

“You don't have to explain yourself, the way you reacted made it obvious. Before you ask, he was also embarrassed when I offered to give him your number, but his smile was very obvious.”

“Sometimes I hate that you can read people so well. Are you sure your mark doesn't give the power to read people's souls?” I said trying to change the topic and hide the fact that my cheeks were hot from the thought of Hyuseok happy to write down my number.

“Absolutely, because if I had that, so would Jisung and we know he's more oblivious to the world around him than anyone else.” We laughed and got back to work. I helped more clients as I tried not to think about the kind things Hyuseok had told me earlier that made me smile all day long. But with each smile came a slight twinge of pain from my mark, reminding me that someone so angelic would never share the weight of something so dark with me. I would have to swallow that happiness and enjoy Hyuseok's friendship without spoiling it with expectations. It's the least I can do for both of us.

“Felix, I'm home!” I said loudly as I entered the apartment, and was greeted with television sounds and muffled laughter, probably Felix and the boys playing video games in the bedroom. I dropped my backpack on the couch and took off my cap, running my hand through my hair and nearly cut myself with the tip of the horn again.

“Hi Chan hyung, Felix and Jisung are playing Smash Bros in the bedroom.” I heard Changbin's voice and held back my laughter. The little one was wearing one of my old shirts that Felix stole from my closet months ago, and he never looked so small inside a piece of clothing like now. “Do you want some help making dinner or can we order food?”

“I think we can make tteokbokki today, I don’t really want to pay for three pizzas again.” I laughed weakly and ruffled his hair, moving to see the others. I found Felix trying to cheat on the game by placing the wing in front of Jisung's eyes, who kept complaining loudly. Classic move.

I went to the kitchen by myself, as I let the kids have fun and I wanted some time to think about today and try to remind myself that I can't keep my hopes high. Hyuseok is just an instructor at my cousin's school, and we met yesterday. Today was a fluke and any interaction we have will be in the most basic friendship and help with music, and only that. Just friends. I need to remember that. Someone as precious as Hyuseok doesn't need to waste time with me.

And what could be Hyuseok’s mark? Maybe some hidden drawing, since I didn't see any physical changes. Has he found his soulmate yet? Or… he doesn't care about that either?

“Christopher, that’s enough. Stop torturing yourself. You promised yourself that you would stop with it.” I whispered to myself as I stirred in the boiling pan full of rice cakes and fish balls. As soon as I was finished, I called the others to set the table and come to eat, which they did at incredible speed. We started eating and they kept telling me what their day was like and before I could finish my meal, I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket. I frowned, since it was not normal for Minho or my parents to text me at night.

I unlocked my phone while the three of them were puffing their cheeks with tteokbokki and all I could do was knock my knee on the table in a mix of shock and desperation.

**Unknown number:**

chan? hi, it’s hyuseok :)

minho gave me your number earlier, how are you?

“Hyung?? Is everything alright? What happened? Did you hurt your knee?” Jisung started asking rapidly, and I could only grunt in pain at having a painful bruise thanks to my inability to act naturally. Felix and Changbin were also looking at me worried.

“I’m fine, it was just a reflex.” I smiled through the pain and finished eating the last rice cakes on my plate before getting up. “Take care of the dishes, okay? I’ll rest, today was quite busy. Good night and don’t stay up all night long playing video games!” I said as I left the room before they could ask me more things I didn’t have the answers to.

I locked myself in my bedroom and threw the phone on my bed, tugging at my hair trying to calm down. Why would he text so soon? What do I answer? What if he needs something? What did I do wrong?

 _“Chris, stop walking in circles like a teenager and text back.”_ A voice reverberated in my mind, and I sat down and grabbed my phone. I took a deep breath before I started typing and erasing everything at least four times before pressing send, biting my nails in nervousness.

**Chris:**

hi hyuseok, minho told me that haha

everything good here, i was having dinner with the boys, and you?

need something? is the car functioning well?

“I sound like my father texting, ugh.” I complained, almost slapping the device in my face, and almost dropped it when I felt it vibrate back. Has Hyuseok already answered so fast?

**Hyuseok:**

everything's good! i came to thank you for earlier :D i wanted to say goodbye but you were busy :((

are the boys with you? won't it be late for them to go home?

oh, sorry, you're responsible for them, i don't have to keep saying these things like i'm their mother :p

**Chris:**

oh, sorry about that, i was organizing some things there

no need to apologize, you spend a lot of time with them too, it’s normal to worry

felix lives with me and changbin and jisung often sleep here since it's just the two of us so no problem!

**Hyuseok:**

oh yes, that makes sense :o i thought you lived with your parents, that's cool!!

by the way, why is your name chris here?

**Chris:**

that’s also my name, i lived in australia until a few years ago and i like to keep using it

bang chan is my birth name, you can keep using it without problem

**Hyuseok:**

oh if you like to use chris can i call you chris too??

chris sounds cool, makes you look like those hollywood actors!!

I smiled from ear to ear as I stared at my phone. Hyuseok wasn't making my life easier and I know I can't stop him.

**Chris:**

thanks, hollywood actor is my secret identity :)

haha of course you can use

and how is college? do I need to prepare a lot before enrolling? :v

**Hyuseok:**

ok, your contact name is changed to chris :D remember us when you get rich in hollywood

college is doing well, i'm only in my third semester. you don't have to worry if it's really what you want to do

although i want to continue as a teacher, and i don't think you want to teach children and teens in the future right? :P

**Chris:**

wow, but teaching is amazing, it doesn't surprise me boys like you so much

i mean, in the sense that you get along with younger people

but we are the same age

ok ignore me now

It was taking a while for me to play dumb again. I dropped my phone on the bed and grunted with my face in my hands but stopped my private drama to answer the new messages.

**Hyuseok:**

ya don't worry !!

i like to take care of younger people anyway :) that's what made me decide between this and singing specialization

and i have music production classes too, by what i was told that’s what you are going to do and after listening to your work yesterday I don’t doubt you will be a student prodigy !!

i haven't given up on our creative process conversation yet and i'll poke you until we have a date for it.

“Hyuseok... wants to go out with me?” I looked at the message in disbelief, staring at his compliment and lovely insistence. I laughed at nothing and punched the mattress several times. “Ok Bang Chan, breathe. You can do it. No meltdowns.”

**Chris:**

wow, i'll even pin this compliment on my wall haha

i’m...off this saturday? if it's not inconvenient for you

you can choose the place

**Hyuseok:**

great!! i know of a quiet cafeteria near the college campus, and it's not expensive (like the ones on campus = _ =)

i'll give you the address, and take some notes i have for you to see

i'm sure nothing will be a big surprise for you :)

i'm going to sleep 'cause i have class early tomorrow, good night chris!

**Chris:**

ok, i'll be waiting :) thanks for the effort haha

good night hyuseok!

I stared at all the messages with a smile, going back to the beginning of the conversation and forth several times before leaving the phone on the nightstand and lying staring at the ceiling. What had just happened?

“No high hopes, but that doesn't mean I can't be happy with the little things I have…” I whispered into the void and got up to turn on my computer. Talking to Hyuseok filled me with energy, and I'm sure I could finish some project today thanks to that.

Or maybe I kept working on soft melodies that reminded me of a sweet smile. You never know.

-x-

**Hyuseok:**

at the end of class felix told me that you produced a lot of songs

and showed me your soundcloud account profile

i'm kinda offended that you didn't send me before

**Chris:**

FELIX DID WHAT??????

he is dead to me now.

pls don't hate me, there are so many bad stuff in that profile aaaaaaaaaaa

i'm working on better ones!!!!

**Hyuseok:**

chris, hate you? they are great, stop it >:

i didn’t know you rap too, i already know two teachers who’ll love you when you enroll

hip hop fans are kind of outcasts here, but they're both super fans of it and i bet they would help you with lots of things

**Chris:**

ah…… thanks i guess? i do my best haha

are you play me so i can continue with my education? :P

**Hyuseok:**

ofc not, I just speak the truth >w< and good network is important !!

btw, this is the cafe i told you about, i'm going there to study after 11am so you can come anytime after that!

[Open Document]

**Chris:**

tysm mr contact who speaks the truth, your honesty is welcome :D

ok, i'll save the address, i promise not to be late

**Hyuseok:**

don't worry i wait for you

-x-

**Hyuseok:**

and you don’t have any pets??

**Chris:**

i have my dog berry at my parents' house, she stayed there because my mother is very attached to her and says it's for her to take up the space I left

sounds cute until you realize your own dog has replaced you

and my mom turned my old room into berry’s room

so

yeah

**Hyuseok:**

that’s

amazing

i always wanted a pet, but my parents' allergies and my brothers' carelessness never allowed us to have one :(( and no pets in the dormitories

**Chris:**

i can... introduce you to berry? i think

sometimes my parents travel and she stays with me, so…

but it's up to you, i’m not forcing you!

only if you want

**Hyuseok:**

for real?????????

i’d love to!!!!

it’d be an honor to meet berry :DDDDD

**Chris:**

oh, ok, i'll see when my parents are traveling next time and we plan something so you can meet my daughter :)

she likes parks and ice cream

just giving tips

**Hyuseok:**

ofc ofc, only the best for royalty

and when you least expect it, i'll pick her up and run with her :)))))))

**Chris:**

don’t you dare kidnap my daughter.

-x-

**Chris:**

was it just the desire to work with younger people that made you choose to be a teacher?

**Hyuseok:**

basically! the specific singing program is cool, but i realized i loved to explain things to my classmates so i chose a degree that allows me to teach :)

and i have a vocal and choral technique class, so i'm still kinda doing music o/

**Chris:**

that’s… cute.

i'm sure you’d be amazing at that too

like, i never heard you singing, but you're enthusiastic

that's what i meant

yeah, hm.

**Hyuseok:**

haha, relax chris, i got you :) thx

we’ll work together, there’s time for you to hear me singing and give a verdict

don't keep expectations high, i don't guarantee myself that much :p

**Chris:**

that’s an exaggeration, i'm sure it's great

**Hyuseok:**

if you say so, i’ll have to improve to not let you down!

**Chris:**

hyuseok there’s no need for it, just keep being yourself :)

**Hyuseok:**

oh ok!

thx chris

**Chris:**

no need to thank me mr teacher

**Hyuseok:**

oh no, that makes me look like an old man

i take back everything i said

**Chris:**

fair enough.

-x-

I walked into the coffee shop with a pounding heart, one hand on the cleanest cap I found in my closet and the other trying to wipe the nonexistent dust off my shirt. I looked at the clock on the wall, and it read eleven twenty.

“I hope I don't seem desperate coming so early...” I whispered to myself, bowing to greet the staff behind the counter, all teenagers, and went straight to the second floor where Hyuseok told me he would be. It didn't take me long to find him, the only person in the room and even if it wasn't, the white beanie made it easy. He always seemed to be wearing one and honestly, it's a habit that only increased his cuteness. I had to take a deep breath to calm my heart before walking to where he was, concentrated on his computer. When he realized my presence, he smiled so wide that his eyes seemed to close and it was very easy to compare with a teddy bear. _Adorable._

“Hi Chris, you’re early!” Hyuseok said, gathering the scattered material across the table. I sat in the chair in front of him.

“Yeah, I finished cleaning some things at home earlier than planned and took advantage of the light traffic.” I laughed embarrassed and ran a hand over my neck nervously. “Did you order something already? I didn't look at the menu down there…”

“No, actually I was waiting for you to order.” He rose, leaving all the material on the table, and headed to the staircase that I had just come from. I unconsciously followed him. “I like the coffee here, and Seungmin sometimes makes great pastries.”

“Seungmin?”

“You’ll see.” He answered smiling and went straight to the counter. “Jinnie, can you make an Iced Americano for me? And a slice of strawberry cake too. What do you want, Chris?”

“Oh, I... I don't like coffee. Can it be a strawberry smoothie?” I looked at the window display filled with sweets and snacks. “And a slice of peach pie. Hey, I know you from somewhere... do you study at Felix's school?” I asked as I looked at the teenager who was taking orders. It was the same I saw at the event at the caramelized apple stall, the lotus mark still visible from the shaved hair.

“Ah? Yes, I have a classmate named Felix.” He answered smiling. The other two employees approached, looking curious.

“Don't worry, Felix is my cousin, and I remember seeing you last week when I took him to the event at your school. Your mark is very beautiful.” I smiled and pointed to the drawing he carried. The boy smiled and ran his free hand over it, as if proud. I was happy for him.

“Thanks, I think so too. And it's easier for the other half to find, right? I like to leave it that way.”

“See Hyunjin hyung, we told you it looked good. Stop worrying.” The skinnier of the three said, patting Hyunjin on the shoulder. His face reminded me of an exotic cat.

“I know Jeongin, but still. Your total is eighteen thousand won, cash or card? Seungmin, can you place the order on the tray?” Hyunjin said, and I reached for my wallet to pay, but Hyuseok's hand on my arm stopped me. I looked surprised, and he kept his smile.

“Let me pay today, next time you choose the place and pay too, ok?

“But...” I tried to negotiate, but Hyuseok was faster and swiped the card before I had a chance to say anything. I sighed and went to get the tray with our food, it was the least I could do.

“Don’t worry about Hyuseok hyung, he likes to take care of others.” The boy who had prepared everything, Seungmin, told me in a low voice. “I hope you like the pastries, I made them this morning.”

“I'm sure they taste great, thanks Seungmin.” I thanked him and returned the smile, and bowed my head to thank the others. I climbed the stairs just behind Hyuseok.

“Thanks for complimenting the boys, they needed it.” Hyuseok spoke as soon as we sat down. “And I'm sorry I brought you to a coffee shop when you don't even like coffee, I thought it was humanly impossible.” And he laughed, eating a piece of cake. I smiled weakly.

“You really like this place to be friends with the employees, I wouldn’t refuse to come just because I'm not a fan of coffee. Actually I only drink it when I really need a lot of energy, and it's always Minho that makes it for me so I can't refuse.” I laughed lightly and tasted a piece of the pie. I probably saw stars so good it was. “And I've seen Hyunjin’s mark before, there’s no way not to compliment one as cool as his. He’s lucky.”

“Lucky? Don't think yours as cool?” Hyuseok asked innocently, and I swallowed hard and looked at the table. We were in a somewhat awkward silence for a few seconds, but I felt Hyuseok's hand over my wrist, as if to support me. “Sorry, that was insensitive. Regardless of the bad things you think about your mark Chris, I'm absolutely sure it's amazing and you know why? Because it's yours, and just like you, it's unique and amazing. Be proud of it.” I looked up to see his face, and Hyuseok smiled warmly as he lightly stroked my wrist with his thumb. Damn, my ears must be on fire.

“Uh… I… thanks Hyuseok. Really.” That was all I could answer looking into his eyes before turning away, holding my drink and taking at least half of it in two gulps to try to hide my embarrassment. “I'm sure yours is cool too. Your soulmate is very lucky to share it with you.” I said without looking at his face again. I heard Hyuseok's laughter and oh heaven, I want to hear that sound for the rest of my life so bad.

“I don't know if I would describe it as luck, but thanks Chris. Well, can I show you my notes related to production and composition? There are a lot of terms and study suggestions that you can see and delve into, and I want to show you some things I did last semester. Please don’t say it’s good just to make me happy, I know they are gross and poorly finished.” Hyuseok spoke, turning the computer so that I could see the open monitor in a music production program, and handed me the open notebook that I accepted and began reading.

“No need to lower yourself so much Hyuseok, it's not like I'm a pro either.” I smiled as I read his quick handwriting. “There's a lot of history here, I like it. Did you say that your biggest difficulty is the creative process when making arrangements?”

“Yes, I would like to know how it works for you, what inspires you to choose certain sequences and instruments. In the last project we had to remix a famous song of a particular artist and rearrange it to be another genre and change the feeling. Do you believe that I had to do Block B Very Good as if it were sad indie rock? Worst weeks of my life.” Hyuseok said and I couldn't help but laugh. The boys downstairs sure heard me.

“That was the best thing I have ever heard in my life.” I left the notebook on the table so I could lean back against the chair and put my hands in my lap. “Look Hyuseok… I don't know what I can say to add to what you already know. Much of my inspiration comes from the things I live and witness, my personal tastes, and the things I share with the people I live with. A lot of times I find myself addicted to one type of music and want to work on it, see what I can do differently.” I bit my lip and looked at Hyuseok, who was surprisingly staring at me paying attention. “Can I share something stupid? Related to the topic?”

“Of course you can, nothing you talk about is stupid Chris.” He answered and put his hand under his chin, smiling slightly. I took a deep breath trying not to melt at the sight.

“I... I see everything as a rhythm, feelings as sequences of notes and different genres of music. When I am with my friends and see them laughing and being themselves, acoustic guitar comes to mind. When I'm at work, I think a lot about drums and bass. Sitting on a bench in the park and watching people pass by makes me imagine violins, sometimes piano. Everything that people make me feel I see as music, and the sounds they make when walking, clapping, laughing, even the rhythm of their breathing. And I keep thinking about them until I can sit in front of my computer and keep repeating until it turns into a song.” I finished talking and felt my whole face heat up in shame. It was literally the first time I had explained this stupid habit in such detail, and it had to be with Hyuseok right away. I really want to throw myself into a well and never leave.

“Chris, that's the most beautiful and deep explanation I've ever heard from anyone. Your passion for music is amazing and I know I've said it before, but I'll repeat: you keep surprising me.” Hyuseok was smiling so much that it seemed his whole face lit up, and I was mesmerized by the sparkle in his eyes.

“I… thank you. This helps answer your question, right?” I laughed without much humor, trying to cover it up.

“More than you think, really. Wanna listen to indie Block B to distract you a bit?” Hyuseok asked laughing and handed me one of the earphones that were connected to the computer, which I accepted.

We listened to his projects and spent the whole afternoon laughing and enjoying our food in the midst of the subject we had in common and all the others that came up because, as strange as it was, talking to Hyuseok was just so easy and comfortable even though we knew each other so recently. Music, movies, books, our own philosophies, opinions about education, trips we made and want to do, family, friends, everything. Hyuseok was an open book and I realized that spending time with him would easily become something I would look forward to. Being around Hyuseok has become my favorite pastime without me realizing that with every word he uttered, a new sound was registered in me, forming the sweetest melody I could never have made on my own because it was not mine, but entirely Hyuseok.

Damn, I'm really screwed.

-x-

“Ah, look who came to visit! Hi hyung!” I heard Jisung shouting a few meters from where I was. I turned and saw him waving beside Minho, his eyes with their mark reflecting the sunlight by being so bright. Next to them were Felix and Changbin, fluttering wings completing each other as they held their hands together. I smiled happily.

“Hi young grasshopper. Happy that this is the last Friday of class before summer break?”

“Sure! Finally we can focus on the next songs. Hyunjin even told me he can make the cover of the next mixtape, so of course I accepted.”

“Hyunjin said that, but I bet bubble tea that Jeongin will transfer the drawing to the computer. Hyunjin makes amazing drawings on paper but it's always Jeongin who makes the digital.” Changbin returned, and the names linked something in my memory. Something related to a coffee shop.

“You guys know Hyunjin and Jeongin, right?” I asked casually. The four looked at me confused.

“Hyunjin studies in our class Chan hyung, and Jeongin is his younger brother who is a year younger. They are both in the design club with Seungmin. Do you know them?” Felix explained, and everyone was still staring at me.

“Well, I... I went to the cafe where they work this weekend, that's all.” I replied smiling nervously, trying to brush it off. I didn't warn anyone where I was going, and they know I barely leave home on my days off.

“How did you find the coffee they work for? It's near downtown where…” Minho started talking but didn't finish because another voice came up in the conversation, just the one I was missing.

“Hi kids, hi Chris! I didn't know you'd be here today.” Hyuseok greeted us, and I automatically mimicked his smile and remembered random bits of the conversations we've had since the day we started texting, something that had become a daily habit. Spending my breaks at work sending pictures of puppies to Hyuseok was my personal goal.

“Oh yes, I…” I tried to answer before being cut off.

“Well, it was good to see you Chan hyung and Hyuseok hyung, but the boys and I are already going to the bus stop, the last day was tiring and we want to rest. See you later!” Minho said in a rush, pushing the other three who were protesting trying to understand what was happening. In the end it only left me and Hyuseok again, just like the first time we met. One part of me thanked Minho, the other wanted to strangle him.

“Last day and they are still full of energy.” Hyuseok commented as he watched them walk away with a soft smile on his face, but I didn't follow his gaze because I was busy watching him instead. His profile was beautiful. “I thought you had come to pick them up, why are they going without you?” He turned to ask me and straightened his black beanie. I swallowed hard.

“Oh no, I actually came to pick up someone... else...” I said lower than usual, my hands automatically rubbing my arms in nervousness.

“Someone else? Do you know any other students?” Hyuseok turned his head sideways, again looking like a confused puppy. I still couldn't get over the cuteness of this habit of his, so I took a deep breath.

“No. I... I came to pick... you up. Yeah. You.” I said slower than usual, trying not to crush my arms and doing my best to keep myself looking into his eyes and goddamn, that was my best decision ever because I could see the exact moment they shone with surprise. My leg went limp. _“Christopher, no falling to the ground now, please. Restrain yourself.”_

“Pick me up? But why? I don't remember talking about it this week. Or did I forget?” He laughed and kept smiling, holding the strap of his backpack with both hands.

“I wanted to... surprise you. Take you to lunch to make up for the day at the cafeteria, and I got the afternoon off, so… but that's fine if you can't! I just thought it might be cool, I don't know. Sorry I didn't ask, you probably have something to do, right.” I ran a hand over my neck, staring at the floor. I probably made a fool of myself again.

“Hey, calm down Chris, relax.” I felt Hyuseok take my hand from my neck and hold my wrist lightly while his other hand squeezed my shoulder as if trying to take my tension away. I stared at his face, and mine was probably starting to turn red with embarrassment. “Thanks for coming, I have the afternoon free too. Let's have lunch at the place you choose ok? And you don't have to worry about the type of food, I'm used to store bought ramen so whatever you decide is great.” He gave me one more smile of encouragement before taking his hands in, and I just took a deep breath and smiled slightly. I wanted him to keep holding my wrist.

“Okay, I already have a place in mind that I'm sure you'll like.” I laughed slightly, remembering the conversations we had about favorite foods. A slight discussion about ice cream flavor came back to me, but I held back the laughter. “Would you rather follow me with your car or want me to bring you back here?”

“Actually you came on a great day, I came by bus. The morning was quiet and beautiful, I wanted to enjoy it.”

“Oh, so I'll take you home later, okay? Let's go.” Gathering up all the courage I didn't even know I had, I reached out and took Hyuseok's hand lightly, which to my surprise didn't pull away but held mine firmly as we walked. A good feeling was present and in that moment, all I could think of as I smiled was that I definitely liked the warmth of Hyuseok's hands. _“Lauv, I like me better. Maybe.”_

-x-

“I can’t believe it! Chris, this is great!” Hyuseok said happy, looking at the restaurant and at back me repeatedly. I laughed at his excitement, it was adorable.

“So chicken restaurants are really the best option, good to know.” I answered while looking for an empty place for us, in the quieter spot. I led him to the table and sat on the overstuffed bench imagining he would be on the other side of the table, but Hyuseok decided to sit next to me. I felt my breath catch a little as I saw his smile so close.

“Sure! I told you I love chicken and this one just opened. Thank you for choosing this one, I was dying to come but lately I have not enjoyed eating alone so I ended up brushing off the idea.” Hyuseok said laughing slightly as he scanned the menu on the table, and I kept paying attention to his gestures.

“If you want, you don't have to eat alone anymore. My lunch break is big, I… can I meet you at yours? If the schedules match, of course.” I suggested without much certainty, playing with my fingers like an embarrassed child. Well, technically, that was my case.

“Chris, are you saying you're willing to waste your free time to spend it with me? Just because I don't want to be alone?” He asked, crossing his arms as he stared at me smiling. Where's the cliff for me to throw myself?

“Hey, never say that spending time with you is wasteful. Your company is a privilege Hyuseok, and I'd be happy to have lunch with you whenever you want.” I replied, returning the stare and we held that shared gaze for a few seconds, Hyuseok had his mouth slightly open in surprise and seemed not to know what to answer. I was faster and called a waiter and ordered our food. I coughed to cover my nervousness.

“With one condition then. A few, actually.” Hyuseok broke our silence, and I turned my attention back to him instead of staring at the napkin holder on the table. He smiled sideways, one of the canines lightly exposed. “I’ll go to the repair shop to have lunch with you too, I can’t accept that you drive so much to the boys' school or my college, I can do that too. And another thing, let's text each other before telling them who will visit whom. We don't have to go to restaurants every time, I'd be happy even with a sandwich if it's to spend time with you. Deal?”

“Ah... ah... yes. Deal!” I replied with a half-smile, in disbelief that he had accepted my suggestion and said that he liked my company. Hyuseok leaned his back against the seat and took one of my hands to my surprise and began to play with my fingers quite naturally. _“Your hands are funny, can I stay like this?”_ He asked me, and I nodded. He gently traced the lines of my palm and squeezed it occasionally as we talked about our days, waiting for our food to arrive. I leaned my head back on the bench, smiling, and watched Hyuseok talk about the madness that had been the last day of school.

We didn't stay in that position for long, our chicken arrived ten minutes later. Hyuseok's eyes twinkled and I couldn't help but laugh. We continued to eat in pleasant silence, despite the din of the restaurant itself, when I felt a cloth on my cheek, which scared me. At the cafeteria it was whipped cream on the chin.” Hyuseok commented laughing, and I kept standing while letting him wipe my face. As he pulled away, I felt my breath come out. I didn't even realize I was holding it.

We ate in no time and decided to walk a little before going home. I paid as promised and we left the restaurant, full and satisfied. I straightened my bangs out of my cap and started walking until I felt Hyuseok holding my hand again and I suppressed a smile as I returned the grip. We kept talking about his next college project until he stopped out of nowhere and pointed to something, all happy. I frowned and tried to follow the direction and understood his reaction. A girl was walking along the sidewalk with a husky puppy, probably, at the end of the leash. The tiny animal looked lovely, and on top of that, it was wearing a little bow tie as if it had just come out of the bath. I restrained myself from running to him.

“Chris, look! It’s you!” Hyuseok said laughing and looking at me while still pointing to the puppy. I started to laugh right there without letting go of his hand.

“I'm a husky puppy, is that it? Are you saying I should platinum my hair?” I said trying to stop laughing, an impossible task.

“Yes, it’s you! It's small, cute, the fur looks like your hair and look at the tie! I'll get him and run.” He said, watching the puppy pass us by with his owner until he walked away.

“You need to be kept away from dogs, wanting to kidnap them all. And I'm not cute, although I can accept you calling me small.” I shrugged as if accepting my condition. Hyuseok was taller than me, easy.

“Nonsense, you're adorable Chris. And answering your question, I think you would look great with platinum hair.” Hyuseok replied smiling sideways looking at me as if looking for a reaction of mine. I limited myself to keep walking, pulling him by the hand, praying that my cap could hide the scarlet red that my cheeks sure were. I heard his laugh and felt his fingers intertwined with mine without nervousness and squeezing my hand lightly. I smiled a bit, feeling my heartbeat quickens and a surprisingly comfortable twinge in my head where my mark was. _“HONNE, Me and You. No doubt.”_

-x-

**Hyuseok:**

i was dismissed early from class! i’m gonna bring ramen, any brand u like??

and hotteok too hehehe

**Chris:**

BLACK SHIN RAMYUN FOR SURE

sorry, my caps were on and i didn't even see

i have iced tea here!

**Hyuseok:**

i thought you were really excited :p i'll be there in about 10 minutes

minho is there too right? gonna get some hotteok for him

**Chris:**

i'm excited but text screaming is just for bbq :)

look at the paternal instinct, don't try to buy him from me because i know i'm his favorite hyung >:

**Hyuseok:**

let’s see for how long ;)

**Chris:**

the audacity.

-x-

**Chris:**

berry is staying with me this weekend!!

[Open Photo]

she just played hide and seek with felix

look at the belly

i love my daughter

**Hyuseok:**

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

can i see her????????

what snack does she like? i'll get her a little package

**Chris:**

there is a dog park nearby, i'll take her and you meet us there!

she likes those bacon imitations

wait, are u trying to buy my daughter with food too??

hyuseok, stop stealing my kids with food.

**Hyuseok:**

it's not my fault i'm a wonderful uncle :)))))

and don't complain, i always feed you!

i'll make kkwabaegi for you so you don't have to be jealous

i feed you two at one shot

how does that sound?

**Chris:**

…………………….

u will

cook

for me

?

**Hyuseok:**

ofc!! i like to bake sweets and you said you like kkwabaegi

but i want bubble tea >u<

is saturday morning good? So it won't be hot for berry's paws :)

**Chris:**

YES

sorry

yes, ok, yes

i'll take a bubble tea bucket don’t u dare stop me

thx hyuseok, for real

berry gonna love you

**Hyuseok:**

no need to thank chris ~ and a cup is fine already, don't be exaggerated :p

i already love berry and i know she's cute just like her father ;D

**Chris:**

a

…

oops haha the phone is ringing ttyl hyuseok haha

**Hyuseok:**

chris, you don't have a landline phone.

-x-

**Hyuseok:**

felix and jeongin texted me that the boys are planning to go to an arcade

and invited me??

i thought it was cute, but i didn't expect it (〃 ．．)

**Chris:**

wow your emojis are evolving very fast

they told me too and

tbh i asked them to call you

because i don't want to babysit 7 teenagers alone i–i

**Hyuseok:**

chris, you know you could have called me, right? :pp

i see you almost every day for a month already

and i wouldn't say no to you and you know that??

**Chris:**

but but

it’s important that you see that they want your presence too!!

even though it's their summer break

my 4 children, your 3 children

team work!!

**Hyuseok:**

wow, it really looks like we're single parents taking the kids to the playground

thanks for wanting to include me, chris ~

and thanks for treating hyunjin, seungmin and jeongin as part of the group

**Chris:**

no need to say thank you

they are friends of felix and anyone who treats him well is part of the family

sunday 11am is good for you? i’ll give you the address :D

they'll probably want to picnic by the han river later so i'll take food

**Hyuseok:**

sunday is perfect! (〃Ω〃)

i’m gonna make kimbab too hehehe

see you there ♡

**Chris:**

oh

hm.

see you there too haha

♡

[You changed the contact Hyuseok to Hyuseok♡]

-x-

“Chan hyung, you don't have to look at your phone every twenty seconds. They’ll arrive soon.” I heard Minho commenting, and put the phone in my pocket as fast as I could. “By the way, you look great today. This is the first time I see you wearing anything other than black or three times your size. Is that eyeshadow?”

“Hey, I can dress well when I want, ok?” I answered pretending to be angry. It was shortly after the scheduled time, and we were already at the arcade the younger ones had chosen, one that one of their classmates apparently worked at. The place was not empty, but we could enjoy the games without disturbing anyone with the noise that we would surely make. “Weren't you with Jisung?”

“Don't change topics, hyung.” Minho laughed, crossing his arms. “Jisung and Felix are talking to Eric at the entrance table and Changbin went to the bathroom. I commented on your look because I know the reason for that. Any progress with Hyuseok hyung?” I sighed in defeat. I couldn't hide anything from Minho, especially when Hyuseok has been going to the repair shop so many times to eat together.

“If I panicking every time he does something to me or compliments me it's the same as progress, then for sure.” I laughed sadly, staring at my shoes. “I don't want to have high hopes because I don't know how attached he is to his mark. We never really talked about ours and I don't want to force it, but I don't know. For the first time in all these years I feel no pain in mine when I'm with someone, and I wanted to keep it even if it’s selfish.”

“Hyung, I understand how you feel but I don't think it's selfish to like feeling comfortable. I already said and I’ll repeat, Hyuseok hyung sure feels the same way. I see how he treats you and how he talks about you even in school. Give yourself a chance to be happy, okay? You deserve it, regardless of marks.” I felt his hand on my shoulder as a comfort and raised my face to give a tight smile. Minho walked away a second after that, but not before whispering _“Now fix your shirt because I can see him at the entrance.”_

“WHAT?!” I turned quickly and put my hands on my shirt to fix it. I saw Hyunjin and Jeongin running to hug Felix and Jisung, Seungmin running away from Changbin's embrace while Minho laughed, and Hyuseok… smiling as if he wanted the stars to be jealous of him, which he always did. We both stared at each other like idiots until I saw him almost running to get to where I was without failing to look adorable and happy.

“Hi Chris! Sorry we’re late, the boys took a while to get ready.” I heard him laughing as he adjusted his green beanie. How many does he have? “You look great. Did you put eyeshadow?” Hyuseok asked casually, and I froze when I felt his hand grasp my face gently, as if to have a better look at me. I remained quiet because if I tried to speak, my heart would probably come out of my mouth so frantic it was.

“AHEM.” I heard Jeongin calling our attention, and both Hyuseok and I jumped back from the fright. “Hyungs, I didn't want to interrupt the moment but we want to buy the coins so we can play.”

“Oh yes, of course, we're going, sorry.” I said fast and lowered my cap to try to hide my face burning with embarrassment. How many times would I be like this because of Hyuseok? “Hi, Eric? Sorry, how many coins do we get with this amount?” I asked the boy who ran the table at the entrance of the place, who stopped talking to Felix to pay attention to me. He wore a wide-collared shirt, which showed his mark of sparkling green scales scattered across the right side of his collarbone and splattered around his neck. It was impossible not to be surprised, the scaling marks were usually on the arm or leg. I wonder how his soulmate would complete it.

“Oh, you can have quite a lot! Hyunjin told me that Hyuseok already gave me his money, so putting it all together gives... forty-five coins. Each of you will be able to choose five machines if you intend to split equally.” Eric said, giving me the small themed fabric bag with the coins. “Felix, I surpassed your Mortal Kombat record, I'm sorry. Try harder next time.” He smiled sarcastically at my cousin, who looked baffled.

“Oh c’mon Eric, that’s unfair! I told you to wait for the rematch!” I heard the complaints, but it was not long before separating what belonged to each one. Everyone made a line to receive what they would have.

“Okay boys, the only rule is not to leave the building, either alone or accompanied. The bathroom is right next to the drink machine, but don't buy anything because we'll have a picnic later. You don't have to be in pairs, play whatever you want and no fights to use the other's coin unless the other gives you it. Do you all understand?” I said to the circle, and everyone answered _“YES, DAD!”_ so loud that I almost covered my ears. Everyone stepped aside to play except Hyuseok, who remained by my side. “See why I need your help? Seven kids, Hyuseok. SEVEN.”

“But you handle everyone very well, even Seungmin called you a father and it takes him a while to be comfortable with other people.” Hyuseok laughed softly and soon took my hand, which was already our habit but I never got sick of it. “Shall we find a cool game? They told me there's a new one from the Men in Black movie and I want to test it.”

“Of course, whatever you want.” I smiled back and let Hyuseok guide me as I tried to keep an eye on the boys. Jisung had dragged Minho into a zombie shooter, Seungmin and Hyunjin went straight to racing games, Felix and Changbin on Mortal Kombat and Jeongin… on the carousel?

We spent several hours at the arcade, sometimes in games that allowed teams with multiple people so we all interacted a lot, and I got to know the new kids I now considered part of the family. The friendship between all the boys and how they always wanted to include Hyuseok in games, even though he claimed to be bad at all, made me inexplicably happy inside. It was something I wanted to feel for a long time _. “DAY6, Time of our life.”_

“Hey Chris, they have Just Dance here! Wow, how long haven't I played this one.” I heard Hyuseok and walked over to him. He was happy going through the available songs with his hand in the air. “Wanna go once? What song do you want?”

“What version is this? Oh, there's Don't Worry Child! Can we play this?” I said excitedly, positioning myself by his side.

“Always with EDM as the first choice.” Hyuseok laughed, and I followed him. He selected what I asked, and I saw from afar that some people were already staring at us. “I'll warn you that I'm trained in this game. It was the only one I played at home, so don't think you'll beat me.”

“That's what we'll see, Daddy Bear.” I answered and heard him choke on his own laugh but recovered before the song started.

Impressively, Hyuseok was really good at the game. Halfway through I was running out of energy and he was still excited, and in the end ended up with at least twice the points I had scored.

“Ok... you won, wow.” I tried to speak, catching my breath as I tried to sit in the armchair next to the television.

“Never doubt me, Chris. I'll go one more time and then we can go out to eat.” I heard him and nodded, unable to speak. “Oh, there's one here I've never seen. Must be cool, too bad I won't know what it is about.”

Hyuseok positioned himself in the middle, and I heard the music begin.

_“Wish I could synthesize_

_A picture perfect guy_

_Oh I, oh I”_

“No…” was all I could whisper as I felt my whole body boil with embarrassment, and I swallowed hard. I know this song and I know this dance in the game. Hyuseok had chosen the most explicit of the edition and the choreography… oh no.

Why does he look so good dancing Superfruit’s GUY.exe? And who said it was humanly possible to move the waist like that? I'll sue whoever choreographed this. It’s not fair.

“Ok, now I'm tired.” Hyuseok said half cut off because of breathlessness, which was probably nothing compared to what I've been having since he started. “Chris, clean your chin. I can see it from here.”

“AH.” I practically shouted, wiping away the saliva that had dripped. I can't believe I focused on him so much that I didn't realize I was literally drooling. I’ll punch myself. No, I’ll smash my forehead against the wall.

“Ah, we found you. We are hungry! Can we go?” I heard Hyunjin's voice, and I got up on the spot and followed him with my head down. I heard the familiar laugh behind me and felt fingers intertwining mine.

“No need to be embarrassed, Chris.” Hyuseok spoke quietly near my face, and I felt my breath go all wrong again. I waved that everything was fine and coughed to cover it up.

Everyone was already gathered in the doorway waiting for us and saying goodbye to Eric, who now had someone on his side who seemed to be helping him. We got close and read “Jacob” on the uniform's sticker, and he had the brown bear ear mark on the top of his head, one of the cutest on record. Everyone stared at us for a few seconds, probably surprised to see Hyuseok and me holding hands for the first time, but no one commented on that. We said goodbye to the staff and walked to a quiet part of the Han River after picking up all the food for the moment. Each one of us had a pot or bag in their hands and occasionally a race took place, one of which resulted in Felix hitting a child's face with his wing and it took ten minutes to make her stop crying.

“Jisung, I said joking about our mark wouldn't work. Children are usually afraid of red eyes.” I heard Minho commenting as we sat on the grass and put the food over the towel.

“Bullshit, I'm sure it's because she didn't understand the joke that you're the Itachi to my Sasuke. It was a lot of information for her brain.”

“You know they are brothers and both are murderers, don't you?”

“Okay, and? Can you collaborate with the moment? Geez, like I have a soulmate who doesn't understand Naruto pick up lines.”

“What about you are the Obito to my Kakashi? Is it better?” Felix asked, holding back a laugh.

“Obito died and Kakashi stole his eye, technically.” Seungmin answered. Jisung turned to him with a horrified face.

“What an outrage! KAKASHI DIDN'T STEAL ANYTHING!” I laughed as everyone continued the conversation. I felt someone touching my arm to get my attention, and I turned my face to see Hyuseok smiling… embarrassed?

“These here don't have kimchi.” I heard him speak quietly and looked at the pot he held out to me, and my eyes widened in surprise. Several rows of fresh kimbab, just as he said and… did he remember when I said I don't like kimbab with kimchi? How…

“Hyuseok… you didn't need to do so much. Thanks.” I took the pot and left it between us to share and leaned over to fetch something from my bag. I took what I was looking for and handed it to Hyuseok, who was looking at me curiously while I kept smiling. When he recognized what I was holding, his face lit up completely. It looked like a child on Christmas morning.

“I stopped by a pastry shop before I came and got these chapssaltteok for you. I thought you would like it and thank you for doing so much for me, so yeah.”

“Thank you, Chris. I'll leave some here and put the others there for the boys, ok?” I nodded and watched Hyuseok eat the sweets so excited that his body would not stop moving, as if he was doing a happy little dance. “Oh, I forgot to tell you, but I have a project due at the beginning of next semester. I need to work with someone other than my classmates on an original song. It doesn't need to be over three minutes, but you were the first person that came to mind.” I heard him speak while he still had some candy puffing out his cheeks.

“Wow, what an honor.” I laughed and reached for the sugar he had accumulated at the corner of his mouth. “I have some unfinished projects. If you want, we can go somewhere, you help me finish it and you can call it your work. Sounds good?”

“Ah, but I don't want to steal your projects Chris! I want to understand how you work and try to do it too…”

“Hyuseok, it's just a bunch of stacked arrangements, there's nothing there that I’m attached to. We stop to listen to them, you tell me the path you want to take, and we finish it together.” I took my hand and grabbed my special kimbab, eating unceremoniously. “Do you need vocals or just instrumental?”

“Yeah... I really need to do the vocals and...” He hesitated a little, which I found strange. “My professor asked to include the voice of the person we are working on together. Is that ok for you?”

“Oh, what a specific request.” I said with my mouth full, which made Hyuseok choke on his own laugh. “It’s fine to me, let’s see if I have to do vocal or rap. If that’s what’s necessary to finally hear you singing, I'm down to do anything.” I smiled at him, and Hyuseok punched me lightly on the arm. We turned our attention to the boys, who were now discussing whether ghosts exist or not, and Minho telling some horror story to scare Jeongin and Jisung. I smiled and felt something weight on my shoulder, which I realized was Hyuseok who had laid his head while watching the scene in front of us. I took a deep breath, but without nervousness. I felt light. _“Sam Kim, It's You. Yeah.”_

-x-

“Hey, Binnie.” I heard Felix calling me softly. I turned to see what he wanted. “Do you see what I'm seeing?” He pointed discreetly toward Chan hyung and Hyuseok hyung. I looked at the two of them, talking among smiles.

“Oh. Well, I do see them, but you're talking about something else, aren't you?” I asked equally quietly and saw him smile as if he was planning something.

“Certainly. Chan hyung is very close to Hyuseok hyung, and the two look very radiant when they are together. Like holding hands? Chan hyung getting all dressed up? He stopped to buy him candy Binnie, it's too obvious!”

“And what do you want to do? You know Chan hyung has trauma of his own mark, and we don't even know if Hyuseok hyung would risk anything. He never showed his to us.” I frowned. Felix hugged my arm, still smiling.

“But they are our favorite hyungs and they deserve to be happy, don't you think? Since we introduced them to each other, the two are smiling much more. These days I even heard Chan hyung humming a romantic song in the bath!”

“Well, with you talking like that, I can't deny it. Let's talk to others about this later?”

“Yes, I'll set up a group chat to plan how to be the wingman to our parents.” Felix reached for a packet of chips and put one in my mouth. I laughed and chewed it.

“As long as no one ends up talking too much and blowing our cover, I think it's fair. I'm afraid Hyunjin and Jisung will get way too excited.”

“It'll be alright Bin, trust me. I’d say it’ll take them three months to be together.” Felix commented and I heard him making a whining sound. I looked to see what was going on and saw Hyuseok hyung with his head lying on Chan hyung's shoulder, both smiling like two idiots.

“Seems like it will take much less.” I laughed and held his hand.

-x-

[You created the group “MISSION: GET WOLF + BEAR TOGETHER”]

**Felix:**

OK LISTEN HERE U BUNCH OF 1/10

and binnie <3

we need to organize for this super important mission

**Hyunjin:**

oh excuse me i'm a 10/10 show some respect pls

**Jisung:**

the audacity

**Seungmin:**

oh, so we weren't the only ones to notice that there’s a thing between hyuseok and chan hyung?

**Jeongin:**

honestly it's so obvious that anyone who says “i didn't” must have 2 braincells

**Changbin:**

innie, it’s not that deep

felix said earlier that they've been tight together lately

and tbh, we’ve never seen chan hyung so happy

**Minho:**

what group is this?

**Jisung:**

we will wingman the sht out of chan and hyuseok hyung, babe

**Minho:**

oh how nice

chan hyung already told me he likes hyuseok hyung

but he's afraid of trying something and hyuseok rejecting because of his mark

**Felix:**

you already knew that and never talked to us????

**Jisung:**

??????????

**Hyunjin:**

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Jeongin:**

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Minho:**

obviously?? privacy.

just said that because clearly everyone here felt that the two are reciprocal, but not ready to try

**Felix:**

wow you know my cousin better than me

i'm

disappointed

**Seungmin:**

well, judging that minho is the oldest of us, it's understandable

does anyone have any idea what we can do?

**Changbin:**

look, you, hyunjin and jeongin know hyuseok hyung better

did he say anything to you?

**Hyunjin:**

hyuseok hyung always comments that he is an amazing person, intelligent, blah blah blah love talk

and he always have that “in-love drama protagonist” face every time

once innie asked straight if he liked chan hyung, and came out a stammered “yes”

**Jeongin:**

i needed to know!!!!!

but he said he didn't want to mess things up and “stop chris from finding his soulmate” :(((

his words

**Felix:**

hmmmmmmmm so we have confirmations on both sides

and nobody here knows what’s hyuseok hyung mark

and chan has trauma of his own

:( i'm confused :(

**Jisung:**

we can only try to help chan hyung “confess his feelings between the lines”

without forcing him to talk face to face

any idea?

**Seungmin:**

look, hyuseok hyung said this week they are going to work on a project for college

they will be using a studio there

**Changbin:**

well, that sure gives time for someone to say something

chan hyung in production mode stays confined for hours

**Felix:**

wait!!!

what if!!!!!!

i put one of the songs he wrote dedicated to hyuseok hyung in the middle of the paperwork???

maybe he sees and uses as inspiration to confess

**Minho:**

or hide forever

we don't know, felix

**Felix:**

:((( but worth the shot

**Hyunjin:**

is what we have for the moment

how do you know it's for hyuseok hyung?

more important

why do you go through his lyrics???

**Felix:**

first of all, i don't 

i organize the apartment while he works and he always scatters his scratch sheets on the table, I just stack them

secondly

because it's so sweet, and chan only writes things about achieving dreams and inner problems like the good emo he is

and also it has scribbles of hyuseok’s name in the back

[Open Photo]

**Jisung:**

i can't believe you took a picture

you’re my pride and joy

**Jeongin:**

wow chan hyung makes some pretty font styles on paper

**Hyunjin:**

innie, focus

but i agree

**Changbin:**

ok lix, you can put this sheet in his stuff

let's see what will happen, it's just the first try

**Felix:**

I knew my little angel was going to support me <3 <3 <3

**Jeongin:**

ew

**Hyunjin:**

ew

**Seungmin:**

ew

**Jisung:**

ew

**Minho:**

?????? jisung????

-x-

“Minho, can you close today for me? I need to go out and still have to go home to take a shower.” I said tired, gathering my things in my backpack. I heard the confirmation of the other, who was focused on doing extra tasks to spend the time. I envy Minho's dedication to his studies, it was not easy to take care of the math club, study for a spot in Mechanical Engineering College, work hard and put up with Jisung, all this almost every day. I hope my dad gives him more days off.

I got home quickly and found Felix finishing the dishes. I spoke quickly to him and went straight to my room to get the clothes I had separated the day before and went to take a shower and get ready. I spent the extra time doing my best to straighten my hair over the small horn and put my cap over it, with no chance of looking like there was anything there. I sighed deeply and left the bathroom, already hearing screams.

“Good night, people who don't live here.” I greeted Changbin and Jisung, who were already playing with Felix on the living room couch.

“Good night hyung! Where are you going looking so beautiful?” Jisung asked me with his hands under his chin, blinking his eyes as if he wanted to look innocent.

“Uh... going to help Hyuseok with his project? I’ll be back later. Don’t make a lot of noise after ten, I don't want the landlord complaining again.” I said trying to sound casual as I packed my computer and scratch papers in my backpack.

“Oh, so are you coming back late? Have fun.” I saw Changbin talking, and he smiled sideways? What happened to these children?

I got out and went to my car before I could hear anything else. The commute to the college campus that Hyuseok studies was not long, and it was something that took some time for me to enjoy. After a while, the insecurity I felt before seeing him gradually turned into excitement and wishing for the moment to come soon. Being around him was my medicine, and as dangerous as it was to sink into this, I reached a point of no turning back.

I arrived quickly at the place I had arranged to meet him and took a deep breath before getting out of the car with my things. I didn't have time to do the same makeup Hyuseok enjoyed because of the hurry after work, but I don't think I look that bad.

“Oh, Chris!” I automatically smiled as soon as I heard him and turned in the direction I believe he was. He was grinning as he ran to me and I thought he was going to stop in front of me to greet me, as he always did. Until now.

Hyuseok opened his arms and bumped into me, swallowing me in a hug. I was shocked for a few seconds before hugging him back and laughing in the process, taking a deep breath to smell his mint scent. Hyuseok had never hugged me before and it was a totally welcome new sensation.

“We met yesterday, are you missing me so much so early?” I laughed as we parted, and he just laughed back and laced his fingers through mine to guide me to the building I believe was where he had most of the classes.

“Can't I thank you for agreeing to help me? And I was also a bit worried if you could make it.” He was in front, but turned to answer me and was... pouting? Hyuseok pouting?

“Hey, I said I'd come, didn't I? I just stopped at home to get my computer and shower. Or would you rather be seen on campus with a greasy, sweaty mechanic?” I said jokingly, trying to ignore the absurd speed of my heartbeats.

“First of all, nobody would notice, almost no one walks around here when it's summer break. Second, you’re with me, and no one has the right to say anything about you while I am here.” Hyuseok commented as we finished climbing a staircase and walked until we came in front of an ajar door. “This is one of the college studios, I managed to book it until the end of the week so we could work without worrying.” and opened the door and let me in. I gaped at the place, and my excitement came in full force.

“Hyuseok, this place is amazing! I had never seen a professional studio before, look at this equipment! And the cabin! Can I see which programs you use? Please, I want to see which ones I need to buy!” I said much more excited than usual, looking at every detail that the eyes could reach. Microphone, speakers, keyboards, everything I saw in backstage photos and videos of professional musicians was in front of me and it was like I was a kid walking into a Disney park for the first time.

“Of course you can, if you want to plug your computer, the cables are there.” I saw him pointing to the free space at the head table and did as he suggested. I put one of the songs I had in the files to play on the speakers, and the acoustics were phenomenal. I couldn't stop laughing happily.

“Wow, I'm definitely going to talk to my parents and try to enroll next year. You'll have to put up with freshman me.” I commented as I took my thousands of loose papers from the bag and put it on the coffee table that was in front of a small sofa where Hyuseok had sat, and sat next to him.

“We put up with each other almost every day, freshman you will be easy.” He smiled and straightened his gray and white beanie. “Are all these music sheets?” he asked and took some to read.

“Actually I use paper to scribble verses according to what I want to convey at the moment. All these sheets are unfinished lyrics, we'll be lucky if we find two or three completed.” I smiled awkwardly and ran a hand over my neck. The only people who read my works are Changbin and Jisung, rarely Felix.

“Wow… did you write it all by yourself?” Hyuseok asked as he looked at several drafts at the same time, and I nodded yes. “Most of it is… it's smart Chris, and… heavy too. There’s a lot here that people need to hear.”

“Yeah, it's… a bunch of feelings I have about everything. Personal problems, acceptance, being proud of where I came from, all that jazz.” I replied smiling while looking between some scribbles, feeling a bit nostalgic. “Some are from when I was a teenager, it was a dark time because of my mark and people's reaction.” I bit my lip, nervous. Hyuseok took my hand and I lifted my head to look at him. He was too close.

“I don't know if I have the right to say it but Chris, I really appreciate that you were strong and are here today. You don't have to go through any of this anymore.” Hyuseok smiled and I squeezed his hand back. We stared at each other for a few seconds until I got up before my face started to heat up.

“Well, you can read whatever you want, I'll go to the cafeteria to get something to eat. We can eat here, right?” I asked, fumbling for my wallet in my pocket.

“We can as long as we clean up later. Thank you, Chris.” Hyuseok smiled once more and I nodded.

“What I don't do for you at this point.” I said without much filtering and left the room before he could answer me. _“Honestly Bang Chan, you should shut up.”_ I whispered to myself and made my way through the college hallways.

-x-

“Hyuseok, you definitely need to stop imagining things.” I said quietly as Chris left the studio so no one would listen but me. I took a deep breath and ran a hand over my face. “He’s just very kind to you, be happy with what you have. Repeat this until you believe it. It’s not because he says these things that he likes you back, so stop it.” I finished my monologue and looked back at the scribbled papers and smiled at it already picking up my phone. Chris was great at expressing his own ideas, and his talent for rhyming was amazing.

**Hyuseok:**

minnie

he's great at writing too

but there are many lyrics that are sad :((((

there's one here with “i've been thinking about my life, is it better if i die?” chorus and i wanna hug him :((((((((

**Seungmin:**

i vote yes! hugs heal everything!

**Hyuseok:**

ok, there's no way i can ask you for help :ppp

he left now to go buy us a snack without me asking

and said “what i don't do for you”

minnie i don't want this anymore

having expectations with nothing hurts

ugh i'm a terrible hyung for talking about these things to you :( i'm sorry

  
  


**Seungmin:**

hyung, i'd rather you say these things to me than hyunjin or innie

they would both make a fuss

you’re the best hyung there is!!! and deserves to be happy

if chan hyung makes you happy, you should give it a try

both of you

we notice the way he looks at you

it's clear

**Hyuseok:**

i... i'll think about it

thanks for listening to hyung

**Seungmin:**

no problem!! i'll save you a piece of strawberry cake :)

and good luck with the project! i'm sure it will be great because you guys are the best

I laughed and put away my phone after thanking Seungmin. Even with our age difference it was great to talk to him for always trying to be positive about things and wanting the best for everyone. My boys are precious.

I looked back at the papers in front of me, some with lots of loose sentences written and scratched on top, others arranged in stanzas and chorus, pre-chorus, bridge, and adlibs. White paper, notebook paper, even restaurant napkins. Verses about past difficulties, fear of the future, inability to make friends, dark thoughts, anger of the adult world, desire to be better, the dream of conquering the world. The ease with which Chris could talk about these things and still convey a little hope was amazing... just like him.

Until I found a loose sheet at the end of a pile that looked like it was all scrunched up to be thrown away, but they changed their mind and kept it. I took it out of curiosity and started reading. It was a love song.

The first love song I found between his lyrics, the same handwriting as all the other papers. It was his. Chris wrote a love song.

I swallowed hard and tried to ignore my heartbeat as I read.

_When you love someone_

_It was a really hard day today_

_My heart aches for you_

_The only thing I can do for you_

_Is to be next to you, I’m sorry_

_You’re so pretty when you smile_

_So every time you lose that smile_

_Even if I have to give my all_

_I want to give it back to you_

_I want to cry for you_

_I want to hurt instead of you_

_I don’t want any scars in your heart_

_Ever again_

_When you love someone_

_So much that it overflows_

_It’s so amazing_

_Because this is how it is_

_I hope I can be a little helpful at least_

_I hope I can be your resting place_

_I’ll try to make you feel at peace_

_Whenever you think of me during your busy days_

_You’re such a soft”hearted person_

_Every time you are silently in pain_

_Even if I have to give my all_

_I want to make you smile again_

_I want to cry for you_

_I want to hurt instead of you_

_I don’t want any scars in your heart_

_Ever again_

_When you love someone_

_So much that it overflows_

_It’s so amazing_

_Because this is how it is_

_This is a song for you_

_I’m singing for you_

_This is a song for you_

_I’m singing for you_

_I’ll give you my everything_

_I want to cry for you_

_I want to hurt instead of you_

_I don’t want any scars in your heart_

_Ever again_

_When you love someone_

_So much that it overflows_

_It’s so amazing_

_Because this is how it is_

“Oh... so he already has someone in mind...” I said quietly, feeling my throat tighten and I closed my eyes for a moment before they got any more watery than they already were. I should’ve known that. I should’ve stopped hoping early on.

That's when I opened my eyes again, took a deep breath, and turned the sheet to see if there was anything on the back. That's when I saw it.

My name.

My name, written all over the sheet, in all handwriting types and sizes possible.

And small scattered drawings. My face, his face, smiling bears, the special emojis I used with him.

And hearts

Many. Hearts.

“It can't be...” I felt my eyes water again, but this time with another meaning. I smiled and started to laugh alone, hugging the piece of paper that gave me the only confirmation I needed in this world.

I wasn't in this alone, and that was one of the best feelings I've ever felt in my life.

“Hyuseok, hey! Can you open the door for me?” I heard Chris's voice outside, and I hurried to fold the sheet and put it in my pocket before getting up and opening the door the tiniest bit.

“Password!” I said while laughing and holding the doorknob. I heard a growl from the other side.

“Come on, we didn't talk about this before I left!”

“Password, Chris. I don’t make the rules.”

“Clearly you do, because you didn't say anything before I left. Come on, my hands are full!”

“I’m waiting.”

“Seokkieeeeeee...” and I heard Chris call me by a nickname for the first time. A cute nickname. I smiled and opened the door before he continued. “Oh, so you just wanted me to whine? Was that it? Honestly Hyuseok, I...”

“Seokkie.” I said, smiling, and Chris looked at me confused, his brows furrowed. I took the juice bottles he was holding in one hand and gave him space to enter. “I liked the nickname, and you whining was adorable.”

“Ah...” I saw his cheeks turn red, and he looked down in embarrassment as he walked into the studio. I closed the door behind him. “If you wanted me to use a nickname, just say so. I already called you a bear several times in my head.” He laughed, setting the paper bag on the coffee table next to the papers. I smiled even more, remembering the small drawings on the paper in my pocket.

“I want to. It's cute and it's the first time you call me that.” I said happily and sat beside him on the couch, facing him. Chris laughed awkwardly and looked at me with a raised eyebrow, arms crossed.

“So it's a just me thing? When did I get this special?” He asked jokingly, but I kept watching him with a smile on my face.

“You've always been this special, Chris.” I said simply, and I saw his features change from sarcasm to surprise, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly open. We stared at each other for a few seconds until he turned and took what he had brought and was on the table.

“I bought chicken sandwiches and sweets for later. Did you like any lyrics? Have you decided which direction you want to take for the project?” Chris was talking fast, trying to change the topic, and handed me one of the sandwiches without looking at me. I held back a laugh.

“Yes, you have a lot of great lyrics, and I really liked that one here.” I reached over and picked up a sheet of at least four ready-made stanzas. “For you? I like that it's hopeful, and I sure want to help complete it. What do you think?” I smiled and passed the paper to him, who took it and reread it with a smile on his face.

“This is one of my favorites, I remember it was a good time when I wrote this. It suits you and I have a melody in mind for it. Come here, I'll show you and we'll think about what you can do.” He took a bite of his sandwich and got up to go to the computer, and I followed him.

-x-

“Minho, can you come here a minute so we can talk?” I called him quietly, since it was movie night and everyone seemed focused. Minho stood up, leaving Jisung alone on the mattress on the floor. Changbin and Felix were on the couch as we all agreed that it was impossible to watch TV with their wings in front.

“Is there something wrong, hyung?” He asked me as soon as I closed my bedroom door and threw myself flat on my mattress.

“IneedhelptoaskHyuseokout.” I said against the pillow.

“Excuse me? Was that human language?”

“I need help asking Hyuseok out. That’s all.” I answered with a sigh, sitting right on my bed. Minho took my office chair and approached.

“Hyung, I thought you're old enough for that. You want help deciding the place, is that it?”

“Yeah, that too... aren't you surprised I'm asking you that?”

“I'm surprised you took all this time to make a move.” Minho looked at me with boredom, and I crossed my arms.

“I needed time to decide, okay? We were busy all week finishing his project. Wow, I didn't raise you like that.”

“Ok Chan hyung, we can discuss that later. Tell me, have you thought of some places that you can take him to?”

“Well, restaurants are bland, we eat together almost every day. I thought about movies, but is it too cliché? Then I thought about a concert, but I don't have money for tickets like that...”

“LOTTE WORLD!” I heard a voice behind the closed door, followed by a lot of whispers and a noise of something heavy falling. I looked confused at Minho, who looked at me the same way. I got up and went to open the door, bumping into three teenagers on top of each other and two outstretched angel wings flapping almost reaching the ceiling.

“YOU WERE EAVESDROPPING ALL THIS TIME?! WHEN HAS MY LIFE TURNED INTO A SITCOM??” I shouted and the three of them cringed, still huddled together.

“It was Jisung's idea!” I heard Felix pointing to the other, who was on the floor with him and Changbin on top.

“How great, you snitcher! I’m never buying you chocolate ever again!” Jisung complained and I just grunted, pressing my thumb between my eyebrows. I waited for the three of them to get up and look at me like stray dogs.

“You're lucky my patience with you is endless. Come in, quick.” I said and everyone entered my room, which now seemed much smaller because of the number of people. I ran a hand through my hair, careful of the black horn on top.

“Sorry for bothering Chan hyung, but I think Jisung's suggestion was really good. Lotte World is fun.” Changbin said, breaking the silence that was in the room.

“It's very good, Minho and I went there lots of times before he started working. Couples go too, so it doesn't look like a kid's thing.” Jisung commented, hugging Minho by the shoulders. I put my hands on my hips and looked at everyone.

“Do you think Hyuseok will like it?” I said quietly, hopeful. It was the first time I'd shared this with anyone that wasn’t Minho.

“Of course he will! He said one time that he loved to go there with friends on weekends. And he would never say no to you.” Felix commented as he adjusted the wing feathers.

I stood thinking and looked Minho in the eye, who was smiling and gave me a small nod, encouraging me. I sighed in defeat and reached for my phone, hearing commemorative shouts from the other three. They for sure will be the cause of my early white hair.

**Chris:**

seokkie, hey

are you busy?

i wanna ask you something...

**Seokkie** **♡** **:**

hi chris!!! i'm not, shoot it :))

“I ask just like that?” I said afraid, looking at the four of them.

“The more direct, the better.” Changbin replied.

“That shows you’re a man of attitude!” Jisung completed.

“Jisung, I'll hit you until your other eye turns red too.” I answered looking at him with narrowed eyes, but my cheeks were certainly turning as red as his mark.

“You don’t have the guts!!”

“Wanna try me?”

“Just text him, hyung. Stop threatening my boyfriend.” Minho intervened, and I took a deep breath before starting to type.

**Chris:**

uh

i wanted to ask if

do you want to go out with me

like, just us, without the boys

and no commitment to discuss music or work or etc.

that... that was it

“Okay, done!” I texted and tossed my phone on the mattress like it was on fire, which made the boys scream in fright, and held back the urge to rush out in nervousness. We were all staring at the device from afar, no buzzing telling that he had answered.

“Well... can we get popcorn and eat while we wait?” Jisung said and I held back not to kick him. “Oh, ok! I just wanted to cut the tension!” I was going to answer, but I saw the phone moving. I got it back faster than I thought I would ever get.

**Seokkie** **♡** **:**

chris

are you asking if i want to go on a date with you?

is that it?

**Chris:**

well, yeah

i'm sorry if i went too far

i just... i thought it would be cool?

i... i like spending time with you

**Seokkie** **♡** **:**

chris of course i want

tbh i was thinking of asking you out too >.<

and i also like spending time with you ♡

“Chan hyung, are you ok?” I heard Changbin ask me, and I let out a breath I didn't even know I'd held.

“I... yes.” I replied, laughing, and hugged the phone while looking at them. The four looked at me confused. “I... it worked.”

“I KNEW IT!! You're gonna go on a date, you're gonna be happy and we’ll have another dad!” Felix shouted, slamming my pillow against the wall. I didn't have the courage to complain about his comment and let Minho scold him for me.

**Chris:**

oh

i'm

happy

can it be lotte world? this saturday?

i'll take you

**Seokkie** **♡** **:**

what a gentleman ~

and i love lotte world!!!

of course it could be this saturday, i'll wait for you after lunch?

**Chris:**

YAY!!!!

sorry, caps on

yes yes after lunch is great

see you soon then

seokkie

♡

**Seokkie** **♡** **:**

see you later

channie

♡

“I HAVE A DATE WITH HYUSEOK ON SATURDAY.” I shouted in disbelief as I tossed my phone back on the mattress, still trying to believe what had happened and process that he had called me by a cute nickname for the first time. The four shouted happily clapping.

“Ok guys, now the show is over, let's go back to the movie in the room and leave Chan hyung in his privacy.” I heard Minho finishing the turmoil, but I was too static to pay more attention than that. I let the boys out of my room and felt a hand on my shoulder. “Happiness looks great on your face, hyung.” Minho smiled at me and patted my back, closing the door as soon as he left and left me alone.

I have a date. With Hyuseok. Hyuseok agreed to go on a date with me. He said he was thinking of calling me out. I…

“I'll be happy... no matter what happens.” I said quietly, running my hand over the small curved horn hidden in the middle of my curls. I was going to try hard not to let that dictate who I'd be happy with for the first time in my life.

-x-

**Felix:**

GOOD NIGHT ONLY FOR THOSE WITH PARENTS WHO LOVE EACH OTHER

NIGHT FOR ANYONE ELSE

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Jisung:**

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Hyunjin:**

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

what happened why we're screaming

**Changbin:**

chan hyung asked hyuseok hyung on a date and he said yes!!

**Seungmin:**

finally!!!

**Jeongin:**

i’m proud of them

**Felix:**

the operation is going well

we don't need to do anything

because clearly they already love each other and do everything by themselves

**Minho:**

felix your conviction is great

**Jisung:**

babe no sarcasm now

they gonna go to lotte world!!

thanks to me obviously because i give the best suggestions

**Seungmin:**

wait, chan hyung asked YOU for help???

**Felix:**

well............ let's just say that

it wasn't quite a request for help

**Jeongin:**

what did you guys do??

**Felix:**

...

**Jisung:**

...

**Changbin:**

...

**Minho:**

chan hyung was asking for my help actually

and these three dummies were listening behind the door

and jisung ended up screaming LOTTE WORLD on the other side

you guys should have seen them falling on top of each other, it was amazing

**Hyunjin:**

should have taken a picture

**Jisung:**

LEE MINHO DON'T TALK TO ME ANYMORE

ME, DUMMIE

THE AUDACITY

**Changbin:**

jisung, cut the drama, he's right

getting back to the topic, did hyuseok hyung say anything to you guys?

**Seungmin:**

nothing with me

**Hyunjin:**

nop, and innie would have burst into my room screaming if he had known something too

**Jeongin:**

maybe hyuseok hyung wants to keep this happiness for him, or will talk about it later

**Felix:**

ok anyway it's ok

we can only wait for them to stop worrying about the marks

**Changbin:**

speaking of mark, has hyuseok hyung ever said what is his?

**Seungmin:**

never, he always cut the subject when we comment

but we believe it's something in the head

because he never leaves home without a beanie, regardless of the temperature

**Hyunjin:**

must be a stain that he doesn't like

**Changbin:**

hmmmmmmmmmm

**Minho:**

are you thinking of something, changbin?

**Changbin:**

nah, just curiosity

**Felix:**

ok guys i need to leave now

chan is here asking me for help choosing his outfit

for the date <3 <3 <3

i love you binnie, the rest of you i just put up with

**Changbin:**

<3

**Jeongin:**

wow gee thanks, so lovely to us

-x-

“Ok Christopher, no embarrassing yourself today. You're gonna go on a date with Hyuseok, you’ll have fun and everything will be alright. No need to panic.” I gave myself a pep talk all the way to Hyuseok's dorm, trying to distract myself with the music playing on the radio. I parked as close as I could to the building and went outside to wait for him, looking at the clock on my phone and it was close to the time we had arranged to meet. I fidgeted nervously in the bag I was carrying.

“Channie!” I smiled when I heard him and all my nervousness disappeared at once. Hyuseok was almost running towards me and I opened my arms to welcome him, which he accepted and nearly knocked me into a hug, his mint scent getting on my clothes again. We laughed together and stayed that way for a long time before he let me go and held my face gently, staring at me with shining eyes. “You look beautiful Chris, you did your makeup again?”

“Oh no... Felix said he wanted to do it for me to practice. Do you like it?” I asked embarrassed, trying to keep looking at him. Hyuseok had never complimented me like this before and my stomach made a funny twist.

“I loved it, it looks great on you. Ah, I'll have to start getting better dressed to see you, you're making it harder for me to keep up.” He laughed and let go of my face, holding my free hand right away.

“Nonsense Hyuseok, you don't have to do anything. I do this to try to look as good as you do bare faced and I still think I can’t.” I smiled and had fun at the sight of his cheeks turning red. “Ah, I have a gift for you.”

“A gift? But why?” Hyuseok was clearly trying to hide the excitement and I couldn't help but find it lovely.

“Because I saw it and I couldn't resist it because it's so you and I think you'll like it. Close your eyes.” I asked and he did, and I let go of his hand so that I could hold the small bag I was carrying and extend it toward him. “Ok, you can open it.”

“Chris... you didn't have to. Thanks.” Hyuseok laughed as he unwrapped the paper and laughed out loud when he saw what it was. “I can't believe you found this! Channie, it's so cute, wow.”

“That's right! Now I don't have to be talking about you being a bear anymore, because you will show that you are one!” I said excitedly as Hyuseok admired the wool beanie with the bear's face embroidery on the front, all in chocolate-colored wool just like his hair.

“I loved it... thank you Channie. Really.” His eyes were bright and he was holding his beanie as if hugging it. “Now turn, I want to put it on!” I laughed at the request but did it nonetheless, turning so that he could put the new acquisition. “Okay, now we can go!”

“Your request is an order, Hyuseokkie the Pooh.” I said pulling away so he couldn't punch my arm, and we both got in the car. The commute to Lotte World was a little long, but we kept our spirits talking as usual and singing along to the songs playing on the radio. One time I played a Twice song and the effort I made not to laugh at Hyuseok dancing and singing in the seat was phenomenal.

“Where do you want to go first?” I asked Hyuseok as soon as we arrived and I paid for our tickets, much to his complaint. He seemed to ponder a bit as he stared at the rides around us until his eyes flashed and he grinned further.

“Is that a new carousel?? Can we go?” He asked me, pointing to the ride while holding my hand, just like a child asking for something to their parents. I furrowed my eyebrows at his choice.

“Carousel? Hyuseok, are you sure you're as old as your ID says?” I commented laughing and he showed his tongue in response, pulling me without letting me say anything else about his choice.

We arrived at the huge ride and sat in one of the seats that accommodated at least four people in the shape of a fire truck. It didn’t take long for a child to approach and sit with us. It was a girl who looked less than ten years old, and the smile with a missing tooth was absurdly cute.

“Hi uncles! Can I sit with you? My brother kicked me out of the other cart and there’s no horse for me.” She said and I couldn't help but laugh. Hyuseok laughed and squeezed my hand a little harder, but nothing to show discomfort.

“Of course princess, you are more than welcome! My name is Hyuseok and I really like your shirt. Do you like Spiderman?” Hyuseok replied sympathetically and that seemed to arouse something inside the girl because her smile opened even more. The ride was already spinning by now, but neither of them seemed to notice, entertained by each other.

“I'm Nayeon and Spiderman is the best hero ever! My brother says Batman is better, but I don't think so. He scares me.” I saw her pout and couldn't help but compare with Felix's attitude at times.

“Batman is really scary, but it's just his facade. He's a hero too and saves a lot of people, and they're both great at what they do.” I answered the little one, who stopped to look at me curiously before talking animatedly with Hyuseok again about trivial things. Throughout the ride I was leaning in admiring the two, answering the times they talked to me and petting Hyuseok's hand unconsciously. It was second nature at this point.

Near the end Nayeon asked to speak in Hyuseok's ear, and I frowned at the surprised face he made, signaling silence as they both laughed shortly thereafter. Hyuseok now shares secrets with kids he has never seen before?

“Bye Nayeon, say hi to your parents for me!” Hyuseok answered the little one as we left the carousel and she ran towards two adults, waving back. “Sorry I didn't pay you much attention now, kids at this age are agitated.” He explained smiling ashamed.

“Hyuseok, I'll never be mad at you interacting with kids like that, relax. But what did she whisper to you that you made that face?” I asked as we walked back through the park, being careful not to bump into other people, many with exposed marks and even some that didn’t match. It gave me some hope inside.

“Do you really want to know? It can be a little embarrassing.” He asked, and I nodded yes. Hyuseok stopped and looked into my eyes, smiling. “Well, she said, ‘Uncle, are you boyfriends? The uncle with the cap looks at you the way my dad looks at my mom.’” Hyuseok said and all I could do was choke on nothing and have a coughing fit. When can I stop embarrassing myself in front of him?

“Oh, how incredible to know that I'm so obvious.” I laughed embarrassed to disguise as I ran my free hand over my probably red neck. Hyuseok moved closer, leaning his forehead on my temple and I froze at the contact. It looked like a cat was petting me.

“I think it's so cute, it makes me feel special.” He said quietly as he smiled and moved far enough away for us to walk again, but he stayed close and I made sure that he didn't go far. _“But you are special.”_

For the next few hours we kept going from ride to ride, mostly to places that Hyuseok chose. Many times I had to be careful not to get into something that made my cap fly away, but I think he understood that since he didn't want to take off his beanie to get into them either. Lots of times I noticed people staring at us with disgusted expressions, and I did my best to distract Hyuseok so he wouldn’t notice. We don't need this kind of negativity in our lives, especially on our first date.

It was going well. Everything was perfect.

Until we walk under one of the roller coasters.

Too close, just when a cart was speeding by.

Hyuseok was faster and managed to hold the beanie against his head. I was not so lucky, and my cap flew like it was made of paper.

I was exposed and couldn't think much beyond _“get out of here NOW,”_ which made me let go of Hyuseok's hand and try to hide my horn as I ran to hide behind a candy stall.

“Channie? Chris? Where are you?” I heard Hyuseok's alarmed voice, which made my heart shatter with pain and guilt, but I couldn't let him see me like that. I have to think of something, fast.

That's when I saw a little gift shop a few meters from where I was. It didn't take me two seconds to decide to run to the spot, grab the first thing that looked like a hat, and pay as fast as I could. I didn't look into the cashier's face, but I was sure she was glaring at me for my lack of manners and haste, but I had priorities. I put my hat on and ran to where Hyuseok was standing, his arms curled against his body and teary eyes. I hated myself a lot more for being responsible for leaving him in that state. Damn mark that makes me do it, damn horn, damn…

“Chris!” I heard him exasperate as soon as he saw me, swallowing me in a desperate hug that I returned with the same intensity. I took a deep breath and his mint scent calmed me.

“I’m sorry Hyuseok, forgive me, forgive me, I'll never do that again, I didn't want to, I'm sorry, I...” I repeated without giving myself much time to breathe between the words. Hyuseok broke away from the hug enough to hold my face carefully as I kept my arms behind his back, but what surprised me was that he started to laugh. “What? Is there something on my face?”

“I was desperate wondering where you had gone, but now I understand why. I’m glad you embraced your real form and accepted the fact that you're a husky.” He replied smiling, and that's when things clicked in my head. I didn't hold back and laughed along, my cheeks probably red.

“I'm sorry, the roller coaster wind took off my cap and I... well, I don't like to be without one in public. I didn't want to leave you alone like that, but I was in… panic. Forgive me.” I tried to explain myself by trying not to sound like a complete fool, which probably wasn't working. Hyuseok's face didn't change, he kept looking at me sweetly like I was important. “Well, I didn't pay attention to the kind of hat I got to wear either, so… if it’s a husky, at least I'm glad you think it’s cute.” and laughed embarrassed.

“Hey, you don't have to apologize so many times, okay? I accepted it already, and I figured that was it. No need to worry, I'm not mad at you.” Hyuseok reaffirmed and continued to hold my face, caressing my cheeks with his thumbs. He was close. Too close. “I think we can go eat something and then you decide where we go, how does that sound?”

“Sounds good to me.” I answered as I gathered all the courage in the world to let go of the hug and be content to hold his hand again, which squeezed mine back more tightly than before as if to make sure I wasn't going to run away this time. I held him with the same intensity, reassuring that it would never happen again. Not anymore.

The rest of the day went by fast, sharing our time between eating sweet popcorn and trying on claw machines. I got a small whale plushie for Hyuseok and he in return gave me a Pokemon I always liked, Growlithe. We were happy on the way home, and I dropped him off at the same spot I picked him up, near the entrance to the college dorms. The place was empty, and our only companion was the summer breeze.

“Thanks for today Chris, I… really enjoyed it. I hope we can go out like this more often.” I heard him speak quietly, smiling and staring at his feet as he distracted himself with the bag that carried his new plush. It was barely noticeable, but the tips of her ears seemed redder than usual.

“Thank you Hyuseok, I can't wait for the next time. And I promise I won’t run away, okay? I can guarantee it was only today.” I held his hand and intertwined our fingers, watching him laugh at the comment. He seemed to stare at our hands as I watched him, like I always did, until in a moment he let go, which I found strange. Hyuseok lifted his face and set the bag on the floor, holding my face again softly as he always did, and I didn't hold back a satisfied sigh as I leaned in for more contact, closing my eyes in the process. We stayed that way probably for a long time, I wasn't worried about counting the seconds.

“I promise I won’t run away either.” I heard Hyuseok whisper, felt my cap flipping back, and held my breath as I felt his face close to mine. Too close.

Until I felt the slightest touch on my cheekbone, which must have been sizzling with embarrassment. Hyuseok was kissing my cheekbone.

Again and again. Cheekbone, cheek, nose tip, eyelid, forehead. I started to laugh halfway through, trying to hide my nervousness mixed with happiness. He followed me, hugging me and resting his face on my neck. I held him and started stroking his neck, being careful not to take off his new beanie.

“Text me as soon as you get home, okay?” Hyuseok commented without moving, which made his voice sound a little muffled.

“Of course baby, whatever you want.” I said without much filter, but I didn't feel a negative reaction from him. We let go after a while like that, he took the bag and said goodbye with another kiss on my forehead before running out waving. I stood smiling like an idiot, waving back.

I stood there for a while, with that good feeling in my chest. I don't know if it was in my head, but my mark emanated a good feeling that I had never felt before.

That's it, there's no way. I will not run away.

_“Daniel Caesar and H.E.R., Best Part.”_

-x-

**Puppy Channie** **♡** **:**

i just got home

felix interrogated me and now he wants to steal my pokemon

but I WILL NOT LET HIM, THAT IS MY SON

**Hyuseok:**

hyunjin and jeongin also filled me with questions as soon as i said i arrived

yeah, it was acquired with a lot of effort!

**Puppy Channie** **♡** **:**

he'll be keeping my bed safe every day when i go to work

not to mention it was [my baby] who gave me him

he ain’t leaving 

**Hyuseok:**

OMG

you know my face is like, so red with this nickname right

**Puppy Channie** **♡** **:**

but it's the truth

or would you rather i stop?

**Hyuseok:**

don't you dare.

i like it ( 〃..)

**Puppy Channie** **♡** **:**

great, because i wasn’t planning on stopping anyway :)

[Open Photo]

now he has all his bed for him

i’m gonna call him seokkie

because it reminds me of you

how about that

**Hyuseok:**

chris

**Puppy Channie** **♡** **:**

that me

**Hyuseok:**

thank you

**Puppy Channie** **♡** **:**

you're welcome, but for what?

**Hyuseok:**

idk

nothing and everything

for today, for helping me out on projects without asking for anything in return, for taking care of my friends like they’re your children, for treating me like i'm special

means a lot to me

chris?

channie?

**Puppy Channie** **♡** **:**

hi sorry i'm here

i was recovering from this cuteness attack

seokkie you don't have to thank me for these things, it's a privilege to be part of your life

and what are you talking about, you're special

if you want me to stay, i stay

**Hyuseok:**

even if

we don't have the same mark?

**Puppy Channie** **♡** **:**

oh

i knew this was gonna come up one day…

hyuseok, listen

i don't know if you paid that much attention but… i hate my mark

very much, it caused me a lot of pain when i gained it

i… i don't know if i have the courage to show it to you

for me i’d never show to anyone other than those who already know, like, my parents and the boys because well, felix lives here and jisung and changbin show up every week

but… i promised myself that i’d be happy regardless of it

it was a decision i made after i met you

so answering your question, yes i’ll stay even if we don't have the same mark

when i say that as long as you want me to stay i will, i also mean that if you feel you can’t because we don’t have the same mark i will understand

seokkie?

hyuseokkie?

omg don't tell me that i scared you

HYUSEOK I HAVE A HEART CONDITION DON’T DO THIS TO ME

(ಥ﹏ಥ)

**Hyuseok:**

CALM DOWN CHANNIE

i… i was taking a deep breath not to cry sdokfjdjsfo

but of relief

because i… i don't know if I want to show you mine either

but i share with your decision

i don't wanna let go of you 

so

well, i think time will tell, right?

**Puppy Channie** **♡** **:**

it seems so

but until then we can find a way

sorry but i’m CLINGY you ain’t scaping anytime soon

ha ha

HA

**Hyuseok:**

you say like i don't like it osifjsfji 

i like to hug you

you are tiny and disappear when i hug you (´∀ ｀ •)

**Puppy Channie** **♡** **:**

wow i was here being cute and you come to mock my HEIGHT

i am reconsidering my decisions.

**Hyuseok:**

tell me what you decide because depending on the answer i won't take you jajjangmyeon on monday

**Puppy Channie** **♡** **:**

i am no longer reconsidering my decisions.

**Hyuseok:**

great ♡

-x-

**Hyunjin:**

it looks like they are going to an aquarium today

yeah they went, hyuseok hyung just sent me a picture of chan hyung… hugging a penguin?

**Jeongin:**

their dates are getting fancier

**Changbin:**

i think it suits them

the other day chan hyung told me that they were just walking downtown

i'm glad they are giving themselves the opportunity to be happy

**Minho:**

for them this is a big step

**Felix:**

chan hyung lately is going to work SINGING

if this isn’t progress, i don't know what else to call it

**Seungmin:**

i’m proud of them

has anyone here told them about the trip? my mother came to ask me who will take us

**Felix:**

omg i forgot

i'll talk to chan hyung as soon as he gets home

**Jisung:**

jeongin, can you talk to hyuseok, your puppy eyes work better

if the two of them agree, we'll have plenty of adult supervision for no parent to freak out :DDD

**Minho:**

are you including me in this category, jisung?

**Jisung:**

ofc i am babe, you have the most braincells in the whole group

and i need someone to protect me when they want to scold me <3

**Changbin:**

yeah, keep thinking minho gonna do that

much easier he get popcorn and watch

**Hyunjin:**

honestly that's what i would do

**Minho:**

and that's what i'm going to do

jisung, i can be your boyfriend, your soulmate, love you and all that stuff

but protecting you from scolding that you could have avoided if you didn't make bad decisions is not in the package

**Jisung:**

i'm rethinking our relationship right now, lee minho.

**Felix:**

guys no fighting, we are here to get our parents together and not separate their children

**Jisung:**

you're lucky that i love you.

very lucky.

**Minho:**

ok, i’ll buy you ice cream…

**Jisung:**

YOU’RE FORGIVEN

THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT YOUR SOULMATE, CHILDREN

**Jeongin:**

noted

**Hyunjin:**

more like “how you buy affection” but everyone calls it differently right folks

**Seungmin:**

hyunjinnie, just don't sodijsofj

-x-

“Seokkie?” I caught his attention, since he was focused on finishing the ice cream he had. Hyuseok turned to face me, eyes wide and watchful. “I forgot to ask, but Felix told me that the boys want to go on a road trip this summer break, to a house near a lake that Hyunjin and Jeongin’s family have I think? He asked me if they said anything to you and if you accepted.” I said wiping my face, probably dirty with ice cream too. The heat was strong even though we were in a shaded area in a park.

“Oh yes, they told me they wanted me to go too. I think they want to convince both of us so their parents let them go.” I saw him laugh while finishing the ice cream. “But that's fine to me, we need to do something before school, and I like the mess we make when we're together. And you? Will it be okay with your father if you and Minho are absent?”

“I told him I had this in mind and he said it's ok since we have some new employees there. In fact, he was glad to see me leaving home, and even more so to get Minho out of the books. He says we're too young to worry about so much and we need to have fun, even offered his minivan so I don't have to sacrifice my car.” I laughed softly, remembering my father's reaction when I told him about Felix's idea. The old man almost thanked the heavens for our decision.

“So I think it's pretty much set up, right? I think we just need to worry about... well, everything else. Do you have any idea how we are going?” Hyuseok asked, holding my hand as we walked.

“I think Hyunjin's family is going to provide bedding and kitchen stuff, but we're going to buy some extra food and drinks because I don't trust the appetite of seven teenagers.” I laughed and he accompanied me. “Felix told me it's near Cheongpyeong Lake, so I'll take a look at the route and see how the savings are in case of an emergency.”

“Wow, it really looks like we're planning a family trip. I like it.” Hyuseok commented, looking at the sky with a smile. I watched him and smiled at the peace he emanated.

“In a way we're family, aren't we? Kinda crazy, but still a family. Living with you guys is good for me and I don't have the courage to say no to them, to be honest.”

“I like this family.” He answered quietly, turning to look at me. The sunlight made his skin glow, and I melted a little inside at the sight of it. Hyuseok’s beauty always made me a little breathless.

“I like it too. Let’s keep it like this for a long time.” I answered smiling, kissing the back of his hand.

-x-

“Ok, are you all ready?” I asked, probably for the fourth time that morning. Changbin and Seungmin helped Hyunjin and Minho put the last luggage in the trunk of the minivan we were going to use for the trip, and I put the extra bags of food on the floor between the seats. Hyuseok kept helping Felix, Jeongin, and Jisung put sunscreen on, and the whole scenario was hilarious, the younger ones looking pale from the product. I wonder what Jeongin and Hyunjin's parents would think of seeing their front yard full of teenagers making all this mess but luckily, they weren't present.

“Everyone gave their bags hyung, and I think we already have all the food too.” I heard Hyunjin speaking in a yawn. It was still early for most of them to be awake, but I thought it would be best to leave as soon as possible so we could make the most of it. “I already sent you the address to pull up the map, right? My uncle said we can stay more than a week if we want, my cousins only arrive here in two weeks.”

“Your family is very kind, Hyunjin, but I don't know if the other boys' parents would agree to extend the agreed time. We'll see later, ok?” I said ruffling his hair and fixing it back so that the beautiful lotus flower mark would not be covered. He smiled and got into the car, with the other boys following him. I closed the door as Changbin shrugged and entered, and Hyuseok walked and stopped smiling in front of me. He was wearing the bear beanie I gave him.

“Ready for the first family trip?” He asked me and the effort I made not to melt right there was huge, so I just laughed and fixed my cap. It would be very difficult to keep hiding my mark during this time, but I would do my best.

“The first of many? Sure. Let's go?” I answered and opened the driver's door, Hyuseok already bypassing the car to go to the passenger side beside me. “Everyone, put your seat belts on. If we look and someone is jumping around, I'll go and tie the guy to the ceiling for the rest of the ride. Got it?”

“Don’t say that or Jisung will do it on purpose to go to the ceiling.” I heard Changbin reply and everyone started laughing, rightly so.

“Binnie, I'd argue with you but this time I'll agree. It must be refreshing up there.” Jisung spoke dreamingly as I started the minivan and started our journey.

“No one will be tied to the ceiling because it won't be necessary since everyone will behave, right?” Hyuseok answered in my place, looking in the phone and connecting the aux cable so we can listen to the shared playlist we made. Reconciling nine musical tastes was going to be impossible, so that was the solution we found. I heard everyone in the backseat shouting _“yes dad!”_

“Ah, so you listen to Hyuseok and not me? What's this, a riot?” I laughed while still paying attention to the road.

“Sorry Chan hyung, but Hyuseok hyung can be way scarier than you.” I heard Seungmin comment, and Hyuseok burst out laughing beside me.

“I am scary? But I never did anything, c’mon.” He replied, and I merely arched an eyebrow and held back a laugh. Hyuseok heard me and punched me lightly on the arm.

“Sorry Hyuseok hyung, but you scolding scares me more than my mother, and she can be very angry when she wants.” Jeongin replied, which almost started the beginning of a debate about who was more scary.

“Hey, silence you all, it's my song!” Felix yelled and began to sing Twice's Dance The Night Away from the seat where he was. It wasn't long before we all got together and started the real road trip.

The drive to Cheongpyeong Lake was relatively long, and it took a few hours to get to the nearest town from the house where we would stay, borrowed by Hyunjin and Jeongin’s uncle. It was in a more secluded part of the lake, still hidden by the forest that had lasted for generations, withstanding the progress and construction of luxury hotels. When we got there and out of the car, most of us spent a few seconds admiring the house and the scenery. It was a large traditional Korean house, with only one floor and a large balcony that had a trail leading to the lakeside. I was absorbing the landscape with my mouth open. It was an amazing place.

“Awesome place, right? My mother says this place has been in our family for generations, and my aunt paid to get a fixer upper as a gift to my grandmother. We've been coming here since we were babies and this part of the lake is not deep.” I heard Hyunjin talking beside me, admiring the house with pride. I smiled and hugged him by the shoulder.

“It's beautiful Hyunjin, really. Remind me to thank your family again later.”

“Hey, we still have to unpack, come help us and admire the scenery later!” I looked back and saw Minho holding two backpacks while the others unloaded the rest of the luggage. I rushed to help, and we put everything in the living room as soon as Hyunjin opened the front door. It was all very open, with little furniture just as it used to be but very cozy all the same, with some modern things like a television and better equipped kitchen. It relieved me a bit because cooking on a wood stove was not in my plans and certainly not something I wanted to explore anytime soon.

“How many rooms do you have here, Hyunjinnie? Are we going to have to share a bed?” Felix asked, stretching his wing to try to reach the ceiling with the feathers.

“There are three spaces we use as bedrooms, and there are two bathrooms with showers. We don't have to share a bed because we have individual blankets to put on the floor.” Jeongin answered, and Felix widened his eyes and smiled happily.

“So it's really a traditional home experience, that's so cool! It's my first time sleeping in one.”

“I think we can split who’s gonna sleep in each room now, don't we? So we can get the suitcases in place and no one loses things out there.” Hyuseok commented loudly, taking the bags of food to the kitchen and I moved to help him.

“Actually Hyuseok hyung, we already split...” Jisung said with a suspicious smile, his red and orange eye in more vibrant tones than usual. I frowned and looked at Hyuseok, who had the same confused look as me. “Me, Minho hyung, Felix and Changbin hyung want to share a room, and Jeongin doesn't want to be away from Seungmin and Hyunjin.”

“So that means…” I said quietly looking at Hyuseok, feeling my heartbeat accelerate relatively.

“We’ll share the same room...” Hyuseok completed speaking quietly too, his face equally red and eyes that seemed to want to avoid mine. I swallowed hard.

I was going to share a room with Hyuseok for a week.

I mean, one part of me was bouncing off the walls with happiness at the opportunity to get close to him, but the other was paralyzed with fear that he might see my horn. I will need to take extra care, I can't let him see my mark at all.

I can't allow him to give up on us because of it. I don't know if I could bear to look at his disgusted face at what I carry, just like so many people looked at me before they left me.

I came back to reality when I heard someone coughing, probably to get our attention. The seven stared at us, waiting for an answer.

“Okay, okay, I don't think it's a problem. Go unpack your things and then we see what we can do first.” I answered and everyone celebrated excitedly, carrying their bags and running loudly. I stayed with Hyuseok in the kitchen, and for the first time in a long time I felt nervous in his presence.

“You said it's okay but didn’t mean it, right Chris? Sorry, I didn't want you to be uncomfortable. I can sleep here in the living room if you want.” I heard him almost whispering without looking at me, and I felt my chest hurt seeing that he had been upset with my reaction. Christopher, you’re an idiot. Why does he stay with you? He deserves better.

“Hey Seokkie, that wasn't it. I was just surprised, ok? I’d never be uncomfortable with you close to me, regardless of the situation.” I answered trying to sound confident, and held his hand that was resting on the counter. He didn't react much, so I approached and rested my chin on his shoulder. “Wanna know something? I can't wait to wake up every day and see your cute little face sleeping.” I said smiling and managed to make him smile together and push me slightly embarrassed. “I'll bring our bags there, alright?”

“Okay, I'll finish here and make something for us to eat now.” He said and I nodded, already walking away. “And Chris?” I turned to Hyuseok, who grabbed my chin and kissed my cheekbone. I smiled, probably hot with embarrassment. “Okay, now you can go.” He laughed and turned his back, paying attention to something else. I took a deep breath and went to do what I should. This was going to be a good week. _“You're it, Gabe Bondoc.”_

-x-

“Okay, what movie are we going to watch first? Horror is not an option Minho hyung, don’t even bother asking.” Seungmin was the first to speak as we all sat on the large pile of blankets and pillows scattered on the living room floor filled with candy and popcorn. The agreement was that the first night would be a movie marathon.

“Hey, I wasn't going to ask for horror, especially with Jisung and Hyunjin here. I have principles, ok?" Minho laughed pretending to be offended, stroking Jisung’s hair who was lying with his head in his lap. I was a little jealous, since I would like them to do the same to me…

“Probably the only one with principles in this house. Can we watch an action movie? What do you think?” Changbin replied, doing his best not to let the wing get in the way of others seeing the screen. Felix was doing the same beside him.

“I don't think Jeongin wants to sleep thinking about shootings and people getting hurt.” Hyuseok replied, snuggling next to me and holding me popcorn, which I accepted without thinking twice.

“Neither Jeongin nor me. What if we watch…” Hyunjin started speaking, but couldn't finish it.

“We’re not watching a romantic comedy Hyunjin, you can hold Seungmin's hand while watching something else.” Jisung interrupted without moving from Minho's lap, and I almost choked on the popcorn I was eating. Both Hyunjin and Seungmin shouted and if it wasn't for the darkness of the room, I'd say they had their faces red.

“Okay, we need to decide. Is anyone here against animation? What do you think about marathoning some animations?” I replied as soon as I recovered, taking the remote control that was on a pillow and opening the list of new movies, hearing no rejection coming from them.

I selected one called “Song Of The Sea” and we began to watch in silence, the only sounds being the television and popcorn being chewed. It didn't take long for the comments and questions about the movie and the story itself to start. _“What a beautiful work, I'll research the animators later,” “hyung, look, it's a little kid singing!”, “so their mom is magical?”_ and stuff like that. I was entertained with both the movie and them, I admit.

Until I felt something in my lap and saw Hyuseok lying with his head on my legs, still watching the movie. I held my breath and grinned as I watched him, the darkness of the room obscuring me and giving me more freedom to react as I really felt. He still wore the beanie that looked a bit scruffy, so I raised my hand to pull it down a little the way he usually let it…

But I was quickly stopped, Hyuseok's hand reaching for mine as if I had crossed an unforgivable limit. He held me with a strength he'd never used before, which really scared me. I swallowed hard.

Did I do something wrong? Hyuseok never said that it wasn't meant to touch his beanies. But I should have understood that without asking, right? I’m an idiot. I messed up again, he'll walk away, I…

As if understanding what I was thinking without even looking at me, Hyuseok relaxed his grip and decided to intertwine our fingers, bringing my hand close to his face and leaving a kiss on the back as a silent apology. I smiled and let him play with my fingers as he always did, always with the excuse that they were funny because of the work at the repair shop.

I took a deep breath and looked at the other boys, just to make sure no one was staring at us. We were the furthest from the television, out of everyone's sight. They were entertained with the movie.

I gathered some courage and turned the brim of my cap back, leaning over. I touched my nose on his cheek giving an Eskimo kiss and heard him laugh softly, Hyuseok always said that my nose was cute and is always booping it. I took that as encouragement and pulled back just so I could kiss his cheek, taking as much time as I wanted. I pulled back and felt victorious watching Hyuseok shrugs his legs smiling in embarrassment, pulling my hand so he could hug part of my arm. Was the position comfortable? Obviously not. Did I care? Obviously not. Hyuseok was happy, and that was all that mattered.

-x-

I believe for the first time in many years, I was able to sleep so well and for a whole night. The morning rays from the slightly open living room window hit my face, but nothing that bothered me so much. I tried to shuffle where I was, but something was holding me back. I opened my eyes slightly to try to understand what was going on.

My arm was over Hyuseok, possibly on instinct since I unconsciously reach for something to hug while I’m sleeping. I lifted my head a little and tried to look around me, Seungmin was glued to my back, and Jisung had an arm around my ankles. Sometime in the middle of the night we decided that we would not go to the rooms out of laziness, so we ended up huddling and sleeping on the living room floor. I smiled at the warm image of everyone together, but something told me that someone was missing…

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH” was what I heard before jumping and getting up exactly where I was, disturbing everyone near me who also raised their heads scared by the scream. Hyunjin, even sleepy groggy, was the first to act.

“Was that Jeongin? Nini, are you ok? What happened? Did you hurt yourself?” Hyunjin ran to the bathroom door, knocking several times. I went after him, the fear of something happening always greater. We waited a few seconds for the door to open suddenly, and Jeongin was standing with a frightened face but was smiling at the same time. Wait…

“Jeongin, your eye...” I said quietly, trying to process what was happening. I blinked several times to make sure I wasn't seeing things that didn't exist because of sleep.

“I GOT MY MARK.” Jeongin shouted as he smiled. I rubbed my eyes and stared into his and ended up holding my breath unintentionally. The iris of his right eye had turned a canary yellow, and the pupil had turned into a vertical streak. His eyebrow above the modified eye was also blond, to complement his new feature.

Jeongin's mark was the feline eye. It was an amazing mark.

I swallowed, envying the younger one a little. Was it right to feel that way?

“Nini! Your mark is beautiful!” I was taken from my thoughts by Hyunjin’s voice, who was holding the other's cheeks and contemplating the sparkle of his brother's new eye. Jeongin kept smiling as though he had received the best gift ever, which was technically true. Marks are always a surprise in adolescence, never scheduled. It was a celebration to have one, meant there was someone destined to spend the rest of the days with you.

The other boys, still drowsy with sleep, approached to admire the youngest with his mark and I took a few steps back to let them do it. Compliments were thrown all the time, and I couldn't help but smile too. It was a special moment for the baby of our group, who always commented that he was eager to earn his own, which indicated that he could find the person who would complete his life. I was happy for him, really was, but at the same time memories of when I got mine came back to mind. I straightened my cap on instinct.

I felt my hand be held, which startled me a little since I didn't expect it. I looked and Hyuseok was standing beside me, smiling with his mouth shut. I imitated him, knew he was aware of what was going through my mind, and thanked him internally for always knowing when I needed comfort.

“Hey Jeongin, come here.” Hyuseok called him, and the smaller one approached, bouncing with joy. All my negative thoughts melted with that sight and were replaced by the urge to hug and take care of him. “Wow look at that, we have a new half. Your mark is really beautiful, sweetie. Is your vision the same or has it changed anything?”

“I'm still testing it, but it looks the same. I saw no difference when I woke up and went to the bathroom, only realized when I looked in the mirror, so I screamed. Sorry for waking you up.” The little one said pouting, and I couldn't help messing up his hair. Jeongin was too cute and no one could get angry around him.

“It’s alright Jeongin, you scared us but we are happy that everything is fine and that you are happy. Now come on, we still need to have breakfast for you to enjoy the day.” I said and saw all of them celebrating and going straight to the kitchen, Minho complaining of hunger. I stood for a few seconds, admiring the seven happy together. I looked at Hyuseok, who still had the same calm face. I smiled and squeezed his hand a little before going to where everyone was. “Changbin, drop that frying pan. No one touches the stove but Hyuseok and I, we don't want the house on fire.”

“But hyung, I can cook! I want to help!” Changbin complained, still holding the frying pan. Hyuseok released my hand and went to take the utensil.

“You can help by setting the table and picking up things that don't need fire, now go.” Hyuseok answered, and Changbin accepted fate with his head down and a pout. Felix hugged him by the shoulder, comforting him.

Breakfast was busy, which was not a surprise. We all still kept complimenting Jeongin's mark, which complemented his well-traced features very well. It took more time to finish eating than I imagined it would take, but it was expected with so many people in one place talking and doing other things instead of paying attention to their own food. I liked that environment.

As soon as we finished and finished doing the dishes, we decided to put on swimwear because of the heat and because surely everyone would want to swim in the lake all day. I watched them run and jump in the water, Felix and Changbin more careful of their wings’ feathers. I took a deep breath and decided to get my notebook and writing material I had brought. I knew I wasn't going to join them in the water so I wouldn't risk leaving my mark exposed, even though I really wanted to swim a little. I set my things on the low table on the balcony, with a good view of where everyone was, and sat on one of the available cushions. I took a deep breath and concentrated on the emotions I had felt in recent weeks. A lot of things have changed lately, and I wish I could capture that in new lyrics.

“May I join you, Mr. Musician?” I heard Hyuseok comment and looked at him, who was standing beside me with a…

“Of course, Mr. Music Student.” I laughed and pulled one of the extra cushions so he could sit next to me, which he promptly did as he took the guitar out of the case. “Don't you want to join the boys?” They seem to be having fun.” I said and we heard Jisung screaming in the distance. I looked quickly and saw Seungmin jokingly trying to climb the other's shoulders.

“I'm not in the mood for swimming today, and I didn't want you to be alone either. I thought you would want some instrument to work on melodies and since I like to write sheet music, we can kill two birds with one stone.” Hyuseok said while tuning some strings of the instrument, and I couldn't help but smile. He always wondered how he could help me regardless of the situation, and I think I could never thank him enough.

“Did I tell you today that you are an angel? Because you are.” I said laughing, and he copied me. “Thanks Seokkie, I really wanted to but I left my computer at home. Do you think you can determine the notes if I sing what I'm thinking? I work better with sounds and not nomenclature.”

“Sure, we do it all the time in college when we're bored or waiting for teachers to come into the room. What do you have in mind?” and that's how we started our work, rhymes being scribbled all the time in my notebook, me humming and Hyuseok decoding in D’s, C sharps, E flats and so many other notes I need to memorize. The speed with which he could pick up what I was singing and repeating on the guitar was amazing and very different from the way I work, but nothing that created misunderstandings between us. It took me a while to find what I wanted on the little keyboard I had, but Hyuseok needed only a few seconds to listen, find the chord and even complement with other notes and comment on the musical style that went with it.

Working with him on the college project was a great experience, but that Hyuseok who listened and watched me as I worked on the tech equipment was different from today's Hyuseok, more used to instruments and traditional ways of creating music. He was doing what he knew best and I was very lucky to be able to witness it.

I didn't even notice when I rested my chin in my hand and stood smiling, admiring Hyuseok repeating aloud what he had just written to make sure he had not confused any notes and making loose comments about some specific class that I honestly didn't understand what it was. He laughed here and there, but his eyebrows remained furrowed by the fact that he was always focused as he wrote. I raised my free hand and pressed my thumb into the space between them. He looked at me confused.

“You're too tense, you'll get wrinkles soon.” I commented casually, and he laughed as he relaxed his face and shoulders.

“I look angry when I work, don't I? I've been told that I get super serious when I'm helping teach.” He asked me, stretching his arms out.

“It is, but I think it's cute. You are doing what you like anyway. That must have been what made boys like you so much when teaching them.”

“The fact that I get serious or do what I like?” Hyuseok asked, crossing his arms and resting them on the guitar in his lap.

“That you're cute while doing what you like. Actually, you're cute all the time, but those are details.” I replied laughing and received a shove in response and fell to the side to be dramatic.

Making Hyuseok embarrassed was one of the best hobbies of all.

-x-

“Today I’m gonna sleep well for sure. Swimming so much got me exhausted.” I heard Jisung speak as he threw himself beside me on the balcony where I was still writing. “Hey hyung, are these new songs? Can I see it?”

“They are Jisung, but I won't let you see yet. I need to work better on them ok?” I answered closing the notebook before he could sneak in to try to read what I was writing. “Hyuseok is already making lunch, he said he wanted to cook by himself today.” I told everyone who was resting in the late afternoon sun. They swam all day, which did and didn’t surprise at the same time.

“Ah, I know what it is! Hyuseok hyung must be doing buddae jjigae!” Seungmin said excitedly, clapping his hands. The boys began to cheer up together.

“Thanks for spoiling the surprise, Minnie.” I heard Hyuseok talk back and turned to find him. He was wiping his hands on a cloth by the entrance to the house. “I made a lot, I hope you're hungry. Go attack the food.” And those were the magic words that got everyone up and running into the kitchen, lots of _“thank you hyung”_ and _“you're the best”_ being thrown in the air. Then he threw a _“but clean up first!”_ and was answered with grunts.

“I said I could help, you didn't have to do so much by yourself.” I said as I stood quietly, closing my notebook and gathering everything I had placed on the table. Hyuseok flashed me a smile, waving his hand as if to say “no problem.”

“No worries Chris, I like to cook alone and it's my parents' recipe, I couldn't let you know what's in it right. Now let's eat, ok?”

“Alright then.” I laughed and approached him, leaning a little upwards because of the difference in height and left a small kiss on his chin. “If you say so, I can't wait.” I dodged the punch I was about to receive on my shoulder and hurried into the house.

Lunch was really great, and there was probably plenty left over for dinner too. As we ate, the sounds that filled the house were the lively conversations about the games on the lake, cutlery knocking on the plates, and compliments for the food, which Hyuseok always answered with a smile. As soon as we got rid of the dirty dishes, we scattered around the living room and balcony, all tired from today's physical exertion. At least they did, I was just tired of eating so much.

“Ah, I'm full and tired. What can we do now? Do you have cable, Hyunjin?” Changbin asked from outside, open-winged against the last rays of the day so that the feathers would dry better, with Felix doing the same thing a little farther away.

“No, but we have a lot of movies out there in the app, and I think there are some board games in one of the rooms too.” He replied, all stretched out on the living room floor. Seungmin was sitting cross-legged beside him, drumming Hyunjin's belly.

“Do you have uno? I like to play uno, let's play uno!” Minho's face lit up as he asked, and I laughed a little. Jeongin soon got up, probably to take what the other had asked for.

“And that's how friendships die. Be careful not to go out fighting because of uno, boys.” Hyuseok commented, sitting on the couch that I used to back since I was sitting on the floor. Each of his legs was on one side of my body, and he strummed the strings of the guitar he had brought. I opened a smile.

“Oh, so will we have ambient music for uno battle? What are you going to play for us, hyung?” Felix asked, walking in with Changbin as soon as they felt the feathers were dry.

“I don't know, what would you like to hear? I can try something.” Hyuseok replied, strumming a little more before stopping and probably clapping his palm against the instrument's wood. “Wait, I already know! Chris, hey.” I looked up, leaning my head against the sofa. Hyuseok was upside down but looked radiant. “What if we show them the project?”

“You say… For you? Can you do all that?” I said curiously, feeling some nervousness grow in my chest. I was used to singing to a few people, but... I don’t remember doing it to so many at once. There’s not many of us here, but…

“I can do a slower version, what we did needs a pick that I don't have now. Come on, we can do it.” and then he put a hand on my cheek, caressing it. I smiled and took a deep breath, hearing several sounds of disgust from the boys. We both laughed, and I gained some courage.

“Okay, I think we can. Wanna hear Hyuseok’s project that became a duet?” I asked and we heard audible _“YES”_ from everyone, and I took a deep breath as I listened to Hyuseok play the first notes of the song, adjusting the fast pace of the original to a slower but still recognizable one. I looked somewhere far off the wall, trying to calm down, and started.

The parts were split between us so that the two had the opportunity to sing and rap and also harmonize together. I kept my tone softer, to match the energy of the soft notes that were played. As soon as I was done, Hyuseok started. His voice was extremely sweet and versatile, he could do anything and sing in any style with it. I felt my heart beating fast with every line Hyuseok sang, feeling light. He had a funny effect on me, and I could hear him sing forever.

The boys watched us throughout the song, smiling and waving their arms in unison. Felix even lifted his phone to pretend it was a lighter. I closed my eyes contentedly and laid my head on Hyuseok's knee. I was happy, really.

_Blessings wait for you_

_For you_

“Hyuseok hyung, Chan hyung, that was amazing! The song is great, you should put it online for everyone to hear.” Jeongin commented, and I laughed at that feeling of my face heating up. The seven applauded and praised us.

“Maybe one day, we'll talk about it yet.” Hyuseok answered for me, patting my exposed neck and strumming notes from other songs as I rested there, watching the others begin the card game and spend hours in it, yelling and laughing. It was funny.

“And I don't know, but lately I've been thinking about changing something about my appearance. Still not sure what.” Said Seungmin, drawing three cards in a row. Jisung snorted angrily, being the next player.

“What if you do something in your hair, Minnie? I can do it here for you!” Hyunjin soon replied, smiling big and shifting in anticipation.

“I don't know... what do you think I could do?”

“How about an undercut? It matches with your look.” I jumped in the conversation, which made Hyunjin leave his own cards on the floor and get up excited.

“Perfect! Come on Minnie, I know where there is a machine here that I can use to shave part of your hair and you know I can do it well. Come on, you gonna look great!” Seungmin pondered a little, pairs of eyes staring at him expectantly. As soon as he saw Seungmin's positive nod, Hyunjin screamed and ran off, probably looking for the machine he had commented on.

“This is so American movie camp.” Changbin snorted, and I bit my tongue holding back a laugh as I watched Hyunjin bring the stuff and drag a chair to a better-lit place. Seungmin accepted his own fate and walked calmly until he sat in his chair and had a large towel thrown over his shoulders. I'm sure I'll have to clear that spot later.

“Did you like the idea of an undercut Minnie? I think a sidecut can be good too, and then we can match! What do you think?” Hyunjin said bouncing with joy as he combed the other's dark strands, and I heard Seungmin's laugh.

“Okay, I trust you. I'm just a little nervous, I'm not used to changes and I didn't tell my parents.”

“You'll look amazing Minnie, don't worry. I will do my best.” And a grunt of approval was all Hyunjin needed to get started. The noise of the machine gave me chills, it was something I could never do if I wanted to hide well under my cap.

As the game went on without two participants, I watched Hyunjin carefully work Seungmin's hair, as if he was doing a piece of art that would go to a museum. The other just waited restlessly in his chair, grinning and hands that could not be stopped. It was a very sweet scene.

Until Hyunjin’s expression began to change while working on Seungmin's sidecut, which looked like it was going to be a mirror version of his hair. His eyes began to widen, and his mouth was ajar staring at the part that had just shaved off. He pulled back a little and covered his mouth with one hand.

“Hyunjinnie? Is everything alright? Do I look that bad?” Seungmin asked alarmed, turning in his chair to see Hyunjin as he touched the freshly shaved part. I got up and went to see what was going on.

“What is it Hyunjin?” I asked looking at him, and put a hand on his shoulder. He kept the same expression but pointing at Seungmin with the shaver. I frowned and went to look at what he had done, trying to understand his reaction.

On Seungmin's scalp, exactly where Hyunjin had shaved, a design took shape. Incomplete lines were drawn, and I tried to put the pieces together to see the entire drawing. That's when I realized what had left Hyunjin like that.

It was an incomplete lotus flower.

It was the other half of Hyunjin's drawing.

Seungmin and Hyunjin are…

“Chan hyung, what is it? What is happening?” Seungmin asked in alarm and I looked to Hyunjin to see if I could get an answer from him. He was just holding the machine in both hands, almost hugging it, nodding his head. I put my hand on Seungmin's shoulder and lowered it to the same level as his eyes.

“Seungminnie, no need to worry, you look great. The reason we're surprised is... is that you have something under your hair that was hidden.” I said carefully, watching him split the attention between me and Hyunjin.

“Something hidden in my hair?” and that's when his eyes widened and his face lit up. “I have a mark under my hair? Which one? How is it? I knew I had one, I can't believe it's one of those!”

“It's… well…” I started, but I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see Hyunjin standing beside me with empty hands, and I pulled back to let him speak. Hyunjin knelt in front of Seungmin, placing one hand on his face and the other hand on the other's knee.

“Minnie, your mark... is the same as mine. It’s the lotus flower. You’re my soulmate.” Hyunjin spoke quietly smiling, and Seungmin's expression slowly went from amazed to happy, until he jumped hugging Hyunjin who hugged him back, both laughing as I heard shouts and laughter from the other boys who stopped the game to congratulate them, since we have all been noticing their mutual interest in recent weeks. I looked at the commotion again, much like earlier when Jeongin showed the feline eye.

My children were getting and finding happiness in their own marks, and I was genuinely happy for them. I pulled away from the mess and came back to Hyuseok, who also looked at everyone with joy.

“I can't believe Seungminnie is Hyunjin's soulmate, but at the same time I do. The two were really born for each other.” Hyuseok said, looking at the children as he reached for my hand and intertwined our fingers. I squeezed his hand and grunted in agreement. Our turn would come soon. _“To build a home, The cinematic orchestra.”_

-x-

I carefully closed the door to the room where the two couples were sleeping, since they were already snoring. I took light steps backward and turned to find Hyuseok closing the door to the other room as soon as he saw the younger ones sleeping as well. All the lights in the house were out, so all we could see was the faint moonlight that passed through the opaque thin doors of the living room. Hyuseok walked calmly to me, and what helped me to know his proximity was the sound of his breathing near my face.

“Everyone is already sleeping, Hyunjin was all glued to Seungmin on one side and Jeongin on the other. I think those three got more reasons to never be apart.” I heard him comment quietly, searching my hand in the dark.

“Felix and Jisung are in the same situation, on Changbin and Minho. It's funny how they managed to get four people in that room.” I whispered through a laugh and squeezed his hand. “I don't think I'm going to sleep anytime soon, you don't have to wait for me, okay? I'll see if I walk a little to burn out the energy.”

“Okay, don't get lost.” That's all Hyuseok said, finding my chin and holding it lightly so that he could kiss my cheek lightly, something he did very often and I loved more and more. I let him first enter the room we were sharing so that I could leave quietly and not disturb.

I walked quietly to the lakeside and sat on the grass, admiring the clear starry sky above me. Being away from civilization and pollution allowed the constellations to appear and give their grand but quiet natural show. The peace of the night and the sound of the breeze against the leaves of the trees calmed me, and I could breathe without fear or worry stopping me. It was liberating.

I looked at the empty space beside me, wishing inwardly that Hyuseok was there with me sharing that good feeling that nature provides.

Also… how did I feel about Hyuseok?

Or rather, I know how I feel about Hyuseok, but would that be enough to make him stay? To show that I could provide the best I can for both of us and our friends? Or… would he forget as soon as he really saw me?

Alright, I need to stop thinking about these things. Enough. I need to cool my head and stop drowning again.

I got up and took a deep breath, watching the dark immensity of the lake. I looked back, trying to see if any of the boys had woken up and followed me. No one. Great.

I took off my cap, leaving my hair and horn free, taking the opportunity to take my shirt off and leave them on the grass so I could go to the lake. I got into the relatively warm water from the scorching sun earlier and layed down so I could float a little. It was good to be in the water again, I can't remember the last time I swam after I got my mark.

I probably kept looking at the sky like that for a long time, so I turned to swim a little trying the styles I learned as a child. Swimming alone was not so much fun compared to messing with my friends, but it was what I had at the moment. Swimming on my back watching the moon was very good, I need to do this more often.

How long have I been swimming? I lost count of the hours. I'd better get out before I lose even more sense of time and stay here until sunrise.

I got out of the water and grabbed my things on the grass, trying to dry myself with my shirt. I was rubbing it in my hair to get the excess water out and…

“Chris? Is that you?” My legs froze when I heard the voice.

It was Hyuseok.

Hyuseok can see me.

I am unprotected.

DO SOMETHING, CHRISTOPHER!

“Hi Hyuseok! I... did I wake you up?” I said laughing nervously, putting my cap hastily, hoping he didn’t notice the small tip that comes out of my head. Please don't tell me you saw Hyuseok, please, please, please…

“Ah… n-no, actually… I got up to get some water and you weren't in bed, so I tried to… look for you…” Hyuseok said, looking nervous for some reason. It was dark, but I could tell he wasn't looking at me as he explained, which was very strange because Hyuseok always made eye contact when talking to me. “You know... it's late, right?”

“It is? What time is it?” I asked, leaving my wet shirt on my shoulder, since I couldn’t wear it until dry. Hyuseok tried to look up but glanced back at the floor, running his hand around his neck as if embarrassed.

Wait. Is he like that because I'm shirtless? I hid a smile.

“It's past three in the morning… I was worried if you got lost or not, so I came looking for you…”

“Is it that late?! Sorry Seokkie, I didn’t notice that time went by so fast. I felt like swimming and lost track, I'll go back inside” I answered smiling a little, getting close to him and holding his hand. Hyuseok still avoided looking at me, staring at a random spot on the floor and I could see his chest rising and falling fast. So I was making him nervous like that? Interesting. “Seokkie? Hey. Can you look at me?”

“Hm.” Was the answer I received, following his sparkling eyes as he stared at me with embarrassment. I grinned wider and brought my face closer to his, taking advantage of my cap being turned over and the brim wouldn't bother me if I wanted to get close to him. Hyuseok swallowed hard, and I saw his eyes scan me discreetly.

“Thanks for worrying about me.” I said quietly, leaving a small kiss on his cheek near his lips. I felt him take a deep breath and I laughed slightly, even though my heart was probably more out of rhythm than his.

“No need to thank. Now let's go, or you'll get sick if you stay like this in the wind.” was all Hyuseok said before pulling me into the house, his hand squeezing mine harder than usual. _“You, Golden.”_

-x-

I opened my eyes slowly, the room dimly lit by the sun streaming through the covered window. I took a deep breath trying to organize my thoughts, still confused by sleep. I smiled slightly at the scene in front of me.

Hyuseok was still asleep, his face turned to mine while still holding my hand, which he didn’t want to let go since we laid down because he wanted to make sure I wasn't going to disappear overnight. The beanie he was wearing was scruffy almost covering his eyes, and his mouth was slightly open, drooling. He looked the cutest and all I wanted was to stay there all day. I reached for my phone that was near my pillow with my free hand and opened the camera to photograph it and save forever.

Hyuseok started to open his eyes when I was probably in the twentieth picture, my luck was that I was already wearing a cap.

“Channie... what is this?” He asked me softly, sleepily. I didn't suppress the smile, melting inside with the cuteness.

“Good morning baby.” I answered taking some more pictures before locking the phone and setting it aside, and I leaned over so I could leave a kiss on his cheek. “Did you sleep well?” I asked, seeing him smile happily, letting go of my hand and slowly stretching like a lazy pet.

“Yes, and you? Did you sleep at all?” He asked me, adjusting his beanie so it wouldn't block his view.

“Enough not to faint from exhaustion in the middle of the day. I'll start breakfast, okay? See you later.” I said as I got up and got a grunt of reply. When I left the room I found the house quiet, the boys were probably still sleeping.

I went into the kitchen and turned on the coffee machine, since some of us drink it, and started picking things from the cabinets so I could start cooking. Gradually one by one came saying good morning full of yawns, including Hyuseok who came to help me. Our day started in the same way as the previous one, but no less fun.

The activities were pretty much the same, they didn't seem to get tired of swimming and I didn't blame them. The only difference was that today I decided to sit closer to where they were, on the grass where I had sat the night before. I took a book to read while standing by the boys having fun in the water, it was a small collection of poems by an American author who had caught my attention.

I spent the next few hours reading and watching the boys' playing, who were now throwing each other at the lake, the weather darkening for some reason. I looked up and saw the sky getting cloudy quickly, which was a bit weird since this was not common in summer here and the weather forecast for this week was clear sky every day _. “Weird…”_

“Hey Chan hyung! Don't want to get in the water? It's not cold!” I heard Jeongin calling me, and I diverted my attention from the sky so I could look at him. Laughing at what I found, Felix had him on his shoulders ready to throw him back into the lake.

“Not today Innie, maybe another day! You guys already seem to be having enough fun without me!” I said loudly so he could hear me, distracted. That's when I felt two hands on my shoulders holding me, which scared me. I tried to turn around to see who it was but before I could do that, I felt my wrists be held close and my ankles as well. Panic began to grow in my chest.

“Not so much fun without you Chan hyung, let's bathe in the lake!” I heard Hyunjin laughing as he spoke and held my wrists, getting up with the help of Minho holding my feet. I tried to let go of both of them, but my fear was not helping at all, causing me to lose all strength. I felt like an animal being carried to the slaughter house.

“NO HYUNJIN, LET ME GO, PLEASE DON'T. MINHO, LET ME GO. NO, PLEASE.” I shouted desperately trying to convince them to forget that idea, but in vain. All I could hear was laughter, a countdown of _“one, two, three!”_ and the sound of my body slamming into the water.

I wasn't thrown to the bottom of the lake but still, my dread was immobilizing my movements causing me to stay underwater much longer than necessary. _“Swim you asshole, move your arms!”_ was all I could think of before I began to struggle, emerging desperately for air in my lungs. I put my hands up to my head on instinct, and it wasn't there.

My cap.

I had lost my cap in the darkness of the lake and was exposed.

They could see my mark.

No.

No.

No.

All the years of effort.

Useless.

They can see me all over, they can see what I've been trying to hide for so long wanting to avoid the looks of disgust and fear.

I will lose them.

“Chan hyung… you have…” I heard Seungmin's voice distant, my thoughts frenzied and my hands shaking as I tried to hide my black horn, a completely useless act. I felt my ears ringing, my breathing quickened, my stomach rolling.

“Chan hyung, your mark is amazing! I never imagined you had the horn, the black is so rare!” Jeongin complimented in the distance, but I couldn’t answer for being focused on leaving, my unsteady hands moving to try to cover me but all I could do was cut the palm with the tip of the horn. The burning of the wound forced me to drop my mark, and I looked at the damage. I was bleeding and aching, but I kept walking out of the water as quickly as possible, not listening to what others were saying.

As soon as I stepped onto the grass and lifted my face, I saw him.

Hyuseok

Hyuseok stood a few meters away from me, staring at me with wide eyes and open mouth, hands close to his face. My biggest nightmare was becoming real in front of my eyes and there was nothing I could do to change it.

Hyuseok was static as he stared silently at my mark as if he had unlearned how to speak, his expression unreadable. Was it fear? Disgust? Repulsion?

Who am I trying to fool, of course it was all that. Hyuseok was certainly disappointed with what he was seeing. He’ll end everything we have built so far, he doesn’t have to be with someone with a mark as horrendous as mine. He doesn’t have to hold on to someone who doesn’t complete him.

He doesn’t need me. He never needed me.

No one needs a “half demon.”

I felt my eyes sting because of the tears I was trying to keep from escaping in vain. My trembling legs acted faster than my thoughts, and like a coward animal running from a predator, I sped away, away from everyone, away from Hyuseok.

Away from everything I had that I surely lost.

I heard Hyuseok's voice scream in the distance for my name, but I didn't give myself the right to stop and return to his embrace. I don't know if I could bear to see Hyuseok's disgusted face staring at me once more.

I was running as fast as my legs allowed me into the forest surrounding the property aimlessly and with no idea where it would lead me, tears staining my already wet face and blurring my vision. I ran, ignoring the blood that flowed from the cut in my hand, my feet against the forest stones, my lungs begging me to stop. All I could feel was my chest being crushed by the pain.

I ran.

I kept running.

I ran until I tripped over an exposed tree root and fell to the ground covered with leaves and branches. I slid for a few feet because of the impact and slammed my back into a log, getting all muddy with dirt from my still-wet clothes. Great Chris, can’t even pay attention to the path anymore.

“This... will leave bruises...” I muttered, trying to sit where I was. Everything hurts. Legs, feet, lungs, back, hand… face. My face burned with tears, but I couldn't stop. Flashes of Hyuseok's reaction came back to my mind, and I hugged my knees wanting to be the smallest human being. I want to disappear, and it was all the fault of a wrong mark that appeared to ruin everything. This was all the fault of this horn.

I can't stand hiding anymore because of this, I'm tired of avoiding people and memorable moments for fear of being rejected again. I never wanted to go through this, never wanted to disgust people like that.

I don't want this mark anymore. I want to get rid of it, and maybe that way people will stop abandoning me. Maybe Hyuseok won't abandon me.

Wait.

What if I…

But it may hurt. It can hurt a lot. It can bleed, scar, I don't know. I've seen stories of people who tried and got irreversible scars, but…

Maybe it works for me?

I need to try. I want to try. I want to get rid of this weight, it’ll make people happier to be around me, won't it? It’ll make Hyuseok stay, he’ll surely look at me differently from the way he looked at me earlier. It’s worth it. Is it worth it? No… yes. It is.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm down and wiped my runny nose with the edge of my wet shirt. I took one hand off my knee and, still shaking, carried it to the small black horn that I held. I closed my eyes, feeling the summer breeze give me chills, and started to pull.

I started tugging at my horn with all the strength that had been left after running so hard, wanting to rip it from my skull but to no avail. I put more force, tilting my head in an attempt to ease and placing my other hand on top. I squeezed my eyes tight and began to feel something.

And I screamed. I screamed loudly, screamed with all the strength of my lungs, screamed with everything I had because it hurt. I didn't feel my horn moving at all, it remained motionless no matter how hard I pulled it with my tired and injured hands but it hurt somehow, it hurt too much. It was as if he had nerves of his own, sending electrical signals to my brain warning that something was VERY wrong and that it wasn't supposed to be forced that way. But I kept going.

I kept pulling, kept screaming, ignoring the bleeding on my already severed hand that was running down my hair, ignoring the pain, ignoring the tears that insisted on falling not just for emotional but physical pain as well. It was exhausting, it was terrible.

_“It’ll be worth it, it’ll be worth it, keep going, it hurts but it’ll be worth it…”_

“CHRIS, NO!” I heard Hyuseok's voice screaming in despair. I opened my eyes to try to see him with my blurry eyes, and I felt his hands gripping mine, forcing them away from my horn. “Chris, stop! You’ll get hurt, don't do that!”

“I HAVE NO CHOICE HYUSEOK, LET ME DO IT!” I managed to scream back, probably scaring him but not keeping him from trying to keep me from what I was doing. “I'll get rid of this horn! No one else will need to look at this, no one will walk away from me, no one else will abandon me! I’M DOING THIS FOR US!”

“No Chris, you don't have to do this! No one will abandon you, I’ll not abandon you!” I heard him through my sobs, and I lost my strength to keep fighting him. I let him hold my bloodstained hands and turned my face away to hide. I felt insignificant around him.

“Hyuseok don't lie to me, I saw your face staring at me. I saw your disgust. I don't want you to be with me out of obligation, I know my mark is horrible, I... I couldn't take it anymore, I spent so many years hiding so I didn't have to get to that point.” I stared at our hands together, mine shaking as his hands held me tightly. I took a deep breath through the sobs. “I know I said I'd understand if you decided to after seeing my mark, but the truth is I'm _terrified_ that you’ll leave me because I already love you so much and I know I can't find anyone else like you and I don't want to find someone else but I can't make you stay with me either and the way you looked at me broke me because it was the same look that the people who I trusted did when they first saw me like this and…” I said it all without pausing for breath, and I felt one of his hands loosening mine and placing it on my face, causing me to look up.

Hyuseok was kneeling in front of me and had tear marks on his face as well but his expression was as sweet as ever, looking at me like I was something precious he had been looking for a long time. He caressed my cheek as he smiled, his eyes twinkling as if all the constellations were confined in his soul. I was confused, but I kept leaning in to try to get more contact with his palm.

“Oh Channie... I’m so sorry. Forgive me that you had to go through all this, forgive me my surprise made you think of other things. I’ll never leave you, it was never my intention and that will not be the reason I’ll want it.” Hyuseok said while trying to hold the cry in his throat. I stared into his eyes trying to find a lie, which I didn't. Hyuseok never lied to me.

“You don't know Hyuseok, you can get tired too, you can find your soulmate in the meantime and I can't stop you…” I said quietly, placing a hand over the one that was caressing my face.

“I do, and you know how?” He asked, and I frowned. His smile widened, the hand on my face went to the beanie he wore, the same color as his hair, and slowly pulled it off and threw it to the floor.

I looked at his bare hair and amid the tangled strands of chocolate brown, I saw what made my breath catch.

Hyuseok’s mark. There, in the right part of his head, lay a small curved horn just like mine. Same color as mine.

It was identical to mine, but on the opposite side.

It was the black horn mark that completed mine.

“Hyuseok… you…” was what I managed to whisper, too shocked to try to formulate anything smarter. Hyuseok laughed, sitting more comfortably in front of me and holding my face with both hands.

“Hi, soulmate.” Hyuseok answered quietly looking into my eyes before joining his lips with mine.

Hyuseok was kissing me.

Hyuseok. He was kissing me. My Hyuseok, kissing me. My Hyuseok, my soulmate, kissing me.

I closed my eyes, feeling my body soften and held his shirt in an attempt to get him closer. He chuckled under my gesture but moved closer just the same, shifting to rest his hands on my back as I hugged his shoulders, afraid he would leave and all that was a lie.

And I kissed him. I kissed him again. And again, and again, and again.

I kissed my soulmate until tears welled again, which made him part from me and look at me with worry.

“Channie, is everything ok? Did I hurt you?” Hyuseok asked me, trying to dry my wet cheeks again. I laughed, taking a deep breath.

“No Seokkie, I'm just... I'm just happy, that's all.” I said, wiping the back of the uncut hand on my face, trying to dry the crying trail that was there. Hyuseok smiled sweetly, holding my face again and leaving several kisses everywhere, which made me laugh. Cheeks, eyelids, tip of nose, forehead, chin, lips. I was really happy.

“I’m happy too Channie, very much.” Hyuseok hugged me to his chest, and I inhaled against his shirt. Mint, as always. “You have no idea how many times I asked the skies for you to be my soulmate, because I didn't want to leave you at all either. I think I already love you too much to think about splitting up because of a mark.” I heard him chuckle, feeling my face heat up with a mixture of embarrassment and excitement. “Let's go back home? The boys must be worried and we need to bandage your hand.”

I agreed silently with Hyuseok, feeling my legs wobble as I stood up with his help. Without the adrenaline rush taking over my system, everything hurt more and I felt very tired. Hyuseok picked up the beanie he had left on the floor but didn't put it back on, and we walked back with me holding tight to his arm, talking a little about other matters to distract us from what had happened.

It was a long time before we could find the house again. Hyuseok luckily knew how to navigate better than me and when we left the forest we were greeted by the seven boys waiting impatiently and frightened of our disappearance. They were torn between asking how we were doing and commenting at the sight of our marks, all finding that Hyuseok and I were soulmates. It was a lot of noise being made and I was a little overwhelmed.

“It's okay boys, we're just tired ok? We'll take care of ourselves and Chan hyung needs a bandage on his hand, but when we get back we'll talk about it, okay? Calm down, we're fine.” Hyuseok said, calming everyone while I kept quiet holding his arm. The noise stopped and I saw Hyunjin and Minho with their heads bowed approaching.

“I’m sorry Chan hyung, it was my idea to do that and Minho hyung just tagged along. I didn't know it was going to get into this mess, please forgive us.” Hyunjin asked quietly, and I couldn't help but smile small and pull him into a short hug and pull Minho to join.

“I forgive you both, you don't have to be with these faces anymore. You had no idea all this would happen, but in a way I need to thank you too. Without it we would never find out.” I said calmly, pulling back a little with my hands on their shoulders. “The whole situation was not the best, but it was thanks to this that Hyuseok and I discovered that we are soulmates. We no longer need to hide, and we have to thank this joke.”

“Yes hyung, we had suspicions but now that it's confirmed we're very happy for you!” I heard Jisung commenting loudly, and couldn't help but smile. My children are precious.

I walked into the house with Hyuseok, and he let me shower first while putting my dirt-stained clothes in a proper place to wash another day. As I left I waited for him while sitting on the blanket we were using as beds, facing my clean but still open wound. Hyuseok was quick and came back holding a first aid kit. He sat cross-legged in front of me and ran his fingers through my washed hair, trying to smooth the wet but unruly curls.

“Your hair is so beautiful Channie, I'm so glad to see it free like that.” I heard him say as he smiled, letting a quick seal on my lips before he volunteered to bandage my hand. “Ok, it's not that deep but as you made a lot of physical effort, it bled a lot. I'll put gauze just to make sure the medicine won't come out while you sleep, okay?” I nodded and let him work in peace. Hyuseok hummed under his breath as he did so.

“Thanks.” I said quietly as he finished putting tape on the gauze. He raised his head to look at me.

“No need to thank Channie, I'm used to it, my brothers kept hurting themselves and...” he explained, but I cut him off by bringing my face close to his and kissing him. He didn't seem to find it bad, corresponding me fast.

“Thanks for staying. I love you and I will do my best to make you happy.” I said a little breathlessly as we parted, but still with our faces close. Hyuseok smiled brightly, and I lost even more air with that.

“But you already make me happy, Channie. And I'll stay here for as long as you want.” He answered me, holding my chin. “I told you, I love you too much to leave. You'll have to deal with me for a long time.”

“Good, because I want it to be my whole life, how about that?” I said laughing softly and he accompanied me.

“As you wish, love.” Hyuseok said, kissing me again and I left my hands on the back of his neck, smiling.

I felt that pleasant sensation in my mark even stronger, even with everything that happened earlier. It was my confirmation that everything was going to work out from now on, and I couldn't be happier.

_“There's a horn rising up on my head_

_But I love it_

_You become my crown_

_The sensation of going pit-a-pat_

_My heart is mayhem_

_But I love it_

_We have finally become perfect_

_The two of us, us, us”_

**Author's Note:**

> here's the playlist https://open.spotify.com/playlist/50IMdxd9Cw75RJ4eG0fc1w
> 
> or search for "you made me love my crown" by julia_donga


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